Come to Jesus

So, Joe, who I have been riding since right before Christmas, and who I am now leasing for my training and competition mount this year, and who I spoke about in this post, well...he and I have been having a little difficulty seeing eye to eye on this whole work thing.

It's a challenge, sometimes, to handle a BIG guy who doesn't think you've got the stones to make him do the job he is signed up to do in this life. Given that he's rather opinionated as it is, and then he discovers his new regular rider is....me....coming off a bad fall with injury, and trying to get my balance and strength back, and learn the buttons to push to get Joe to work at the level he is capable of, well, sometimes it doesn't go as planned. Like anything with horses, really.

A few weeks ago, he started stating a very strong opinion about actually going forward when asked to do so by his rider. This opinion he made known by kicking out with one hind leg or another, and if the rider were persistent enough, he'd plant his front legs and throw in a huge buck. He declared working as a school horse to be completely out of the question, and then he decided that that short, middle-aged woman with the loud red hair was not possessed of the mettle necessary to convince him he really needed to do his job.

I started to worry maybe the universe was trying to tell me something, after a string of other mounts just didn't work out in a pretty persistent and obvious way. I started to worry that maybe he hated me, or that I was annoying him in some way, or that he was just not for me. Then, worse, I started to think that maybe I *didn't* have the stones necessary to be the pack leader, so to speak. Bucking isn't always a big deal, but it can escalate, and I've been bucked off enough to know how much it hurts, and how easily a horse can throw you off their back if they want to. THEN I started to worry about getting hurt again. Joe is HUGE, well over sixteen hands, and the distance from his back to the ground seems like falling off a building. But I knew that attitude, keeping that fear in my mind, would color every ride I took from here on out, no matter the mount.

And I don't want to be a timid rider. I don't see myself as someone who can or will just get on any horse at all, but neither do I want to be limited by my own brain to horses who don't have at least a little brilliance in them, if that makes any sense. So, with the help of my fabulous trainer, we set out to solve this issue. It took a team on Sunday, people cheering me on, encouraging me, my trainer getting on, a couple people to work with Joe on the longe line, and then me getting back in the saddle and reminding him how this whole situation was going to go. I got off after we did some nice work together, and although my legs were jelly with nerves, I knew I could handle him.

My weekly lesson was today, and my trainer warmed him up for me, through a couple of bucks and a bit of resistance. When I got on, I just grabbed mane and let him know I was running this show. One buck and a little bit of horsey whiny drama, and we were working together beautifully. It was incredible. I felt him just like I did back in December, before I got hurt, all smooth and rhythmic and forward. I could stay with him, sit up tall, hold my position, tell him where to go and how to arrange his feet and it was beyond wonderful. I could feel myself riding, really riding, instead of bracing for drama or getting flopped around like a sack.

My confidence shot up tremendously. I felt like I could ride and ride and ride forever. I can make plans for the show season now, and think about the things we will do together. One good come-to-Jesus meeting in the Church of the Arena, and we are well on our way. It turns out I *do* have the stones, and they are big ones. Today I (re)learned to never underestimate what I am capable of in the right setting.

I love this guy. 

A month of losses and new beginnings

Yesterday was my 44th birthday, and as I remind everyone, it's also the 44th anniversary of the very first Earth Day, back in 1970. It's just a cool fact that I love about my birthday date, and it usually means nice weather, spring greenery, and time to be spent outside enjoying it all. Worship in the Church of the Natural Environment. I definitely did some of that, it was a gorgeous day!

Our family, as a whole, and each of us individually, has suffered a few losses this month, but we've also found ourselves at the start of some new beginnings, too.

Of course, we lost Quinn, early this month. Travis lost his foster mother to cancer on Good Friday. Several friends have also experienced the loss of loved ones. Our relationship with the owner of the barn we had been riding and boarding Cinnamon at really began to deteriorate, and because we felt the best option for us was to move Cinnamon to a new barn, we have lost Turkey, even though he wasn't really ours in the first place.

We're in the middle of some nice, new beginnings, though, too. I have found a dressage instructor I like, and a barn where there are lots of adults and some kids, and everyone seems really friendly and welcoming. Wren seems to have found a place at a large hunter barn with TONS of kids and ponies.

It became evident weeks ago that Wren was not receiving the type of instruction that she needed in order to progress as a rider, and I was not able to really study the riding discipline I wanted to study. So a change was necessary. It has really paid off; Wren even wanted to, and tried to initiate, the canter on her lesson horse last night! Amazing transformation in just about a month! What a difference from the terrified, tearful child who didn't even want to trot! Now she's talking about jumping, and wanting to take some dressage lessons from my instructor, too!

I'm really enjoying my lessons with my new trainer, even though I have not yet cantered and I'm still working on the Introductory level work. I *feel* like I am getting my basics under control, but in photographs Travis took today, I was astonished to find myself looking kind of crummy...fat...round...lower legs not as close to the horse's side as they should be...body angle too far forward....ugh. I have so much to work on. It's depressing. Not at all what I had hoped I looked like. Good grief, I hope I don't stay a damned flappy, chunky, sack-of-potatoes beginner forever.

...and these are the best pictures. I'm not posting the really fat and ugly ones....

Cinnamon joined some like-sized friends at the barn where I am taking lessons. She is settled in, and after an altercation (not serious) with a small pony gelding who was looking for love in all the wrong places, she is happily munching hay and has a new friend, Holly, the miniature mare. She's a part of things there, and seems happy and content. I am thrilled she is in a smaller-sized pasture that is close to the "action" so people will see her and be able to keep an eye on her.

Wren hopes to go "trail riding" on her this summer at the new barn. I hope we can do that, too. I've decided to lease the pony mare I've been riding in lessons, even though she is not even 14 hands tall. She's a cutie, and her name is Destiny. Interestingly, a blazon from my registered coat of arms is one of her markings -- a horse head. It's right on her hindquarters. My arms are effectively a horse head on a white diamond.

See? It's facing the opposite direction, but there it is.

So, things are looking up, even though there is still some residual drama and entanglements to untangle. Hopefully that stuff will be done soon. I hope the cycle of loss and pain is done for a while. It's exhausting.

Quinn

Running my hands over her furry body, I repeated the only thing I could think of to tell her....I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I love you, I'm so sorry....I'm so sorry....I love you.....one hand after the other, down the length of her compact form, forehead to tail, forehead to tail, sobbing, tears falling on her black and tan coat.

I tried to gather her in my arms, but she was limp and I was afraid to hurt her, or cause her to expend energy she did not have. The anemia that began so suddenly a night and a day ago robbed her of even the ability to thump her considerable tail against the table as it consumed her red blood cells faster than they could be replaced. There was no fixing this, no transfusion fast enough, no drug, no treatment that she'd survive....it was likely the underlying disease was a cancer somewhere.

....I'm so sorry....I'm so sorry....I love you....I love you.....I'm sorry Kira is not here....I wish you could stay...I love you....thank you....we will miss you.....I'm so sorry....

It was her sixteenth birthday when we finally let her go.

Rest well, my dear companion, Quinn. You were so loved, and you will be forever missed.

Official

This past weekend, we officially became horse owners.

Thanks to the generosity and expertise of a friend, Wren and I took a weekend trip to South Carolina in search of her first pony. We have been leasing Gabby, a grey Welsh pony, for Wren for the past year, but the relationship has not been working out well. Wren's riding skills have been regressing and she fought some serious anxiety about riding after suffering several falls over the course of the last year. Honestly, I'm surprised she still even wants to ride at all, really, but her love for the equine species transcends the numerous falls off off the way-too-speedy Gabby, and the way-too-tall Champ.

I was tired of my own stress each riding lesson day, and I hated to see my kid in tears of fear and frustration.

My friend, an accomplished horsewoman and a lover of ponies for little kids, spotted a "diamond in the rough" pony on a Facebook pony sales forum. A few weeks of back and forth communication with the owner, some pictures and video, and the opinion of my friend's mom, and we decided to make the trip down there to see if this really was the pony we had hoped for for Wren.

Turns out, the little thing was pretty darn perfect after all. Fuzzy, in need of nutrition and a good farrier, but sound, healthy, and pretty agreeable to riding.

We loaded her up and made our way on the loooong route back home on Sunday, where we made her comfortable in a stall for the night with plenty of hay and water.

Travis and I visited her Monday, and got her acquainted with her surroundings in the daylight, and I took the kids back to the barn to groom and play and ride her a little bit. It went well, and they had a lot of fun. I think Cinnamon will be a great pony for Wren,and for Noah, too, who has now decided he needs to ride the pony as well.

I'll have the vet out to do shots in a week or so, and the farrier is coming next week. Then I will start the hunt for teeny, tiny, pony-sized tack, and teach this pony to work the way we ride, and it should all be good.

I always thought the first equine to join this family would be a horse for me. I may have to wait a little longer for my own horse now, but being a pony mom is pretty cool.

Post-Show Glow

The little schooling horse show we took the kids to on Tuesday night turned out to be an awesome experience.

Champ and Lily and Gabby

We did get there with plenty of time to spare, and got a good parking spot right near the ring. Lots of time to unload and tack up, do a little schooling, and relax before heading into the ring. Hooray! Just the way I like it!

The Hunter's Ridge kids and ponies!

Noah took his first blue ribbon in the leadline class (and so did the other six kids, but hey, it's leadline!). The look on his face was absolutely priceless when the 'ribbon girl' came to hand him his very own horse show ribbon! "And it's the color I wanted, too!"

He had a hard time waiting outside the ring for people to finish schooling so the class could start, and he declared, "I don't wanna ride! You wanted me to ride!" We all laughed and reminded him that he cried at the last show because he could not ride in it. Upon entering the ring, though, he stretched up tall, held the reins, and looked around...."Ooh! I *like* this!"

Wren...well, she had a lesson that morning, and was spectacular. She was determined to trot, and she did, bolstered by her incredible performance on Sunday (which I did not yet write about) that included trot circles and taking her pony over the tiny cross-rail in the indoor ring. Such bravery as I have not seen from that child in a long time.

But it got better.

At the show, I had registered her to participate in the leadline class, and the walk/two-point class only. No trotting, as she was not solid yet in getting her correct diagonal, and also had not even trotted her pony all the way around the ring at our trainer's barn. Given that you should show your horse at a level below that which you school at home, it was a good idea not to push her. The ring at Summerhill is huge, and there is lots of space for an energetic show pony to get wild ideas about going faster.

But after the walk/two-point class (she placed third of five), she was DETERMINED to enter in the walk/trot class. She begged. She swore she could do it. Kathy and I relented. She went in. Travis took up his spot on the rail and took pictures.

We held our breath. Wild Wings the Show Pony definitely knew her job. She got a little quick at the trot in one spot, but Wren was on it, and things were under control. She didn't always have her correct diagonal when posting, and she didn't use and maintain her space in the ring well, but she accomplished something HUGE.

She decided being afraid of this was for other people.

Now she's making little jump courses for her play horses, and talking about all the fences she will do once she can canter. I may have encouraged the creation of a monster, but I don't care. She told me after her lesson on Tuesday morning that she wished she could just keep riding and didn't have to go in.

I am so proud of her.

Will she ever stop talking about horses?

No.

Ha!

Seriously, I can't help myself. And I adore that my family has all gotten into something I love so much, so it's easy to spend so much blog space talking about it. It makes up a decent portion of our family activities, of course.

Wren AND Noah are getting ready for a horse show this week. Tonight, in fact. It's part of the same show series as the one we did back in June, at the same farm. This time, Noah is joining his sister in the leadline class, and Wren will do an additional walk/2 point class. Noah will ride Champ in the ring, and Wren will stick with her trusty pony mare, Gabby. I'll probably lead one kid or the other.

And we WILL be on time this time. My plan for that includes washing that pony, and loading up every single bit of tack, equipment, and tools, right after the morning lessons. Including haynets for all three animals. Nothing will be left but to hook up the truck and load those ponies.

In other horse-related news, I am definitely going to be half-leasing Promise come September first. I . Am. So. Excited!! I don't even want to speculate on all the possibilities, because I don't want to jinx our partnership, but I am really really hoping some solid dressage work is in my future. And new riding boots. Mine are completely trashed.

In other, other horse-related news, I am the DC of the River City Pony Club.

We just got started, we don't even have actual registered members yet, but we are approved by the USPC and are ready to get going as soon as the 'official' notice comes through. We definitely are accepting new members, so let me know if you have (or know) a horse crazy kid ages 5 through 25 who wants to join!

Travis is more in love with Turkey every day, and the feeling is mutual. Turk even got a nice bubble bath Sunday afternoon, which Travis handled all by himself.

He sure is gorgeous, and he seems to love the attention.

And on that note, I am off to the barn.

Pondering

So, things with Champ haven't been going well, and I have given him a vacation from our partnership. It's been two weeks, and I rode Landie and Promise in my lessons during the time off. I think this week, though, is when I am going to get back together with Champ and see what we can do. I'm planning to do some bareback riding, maybe round-pen or lunge him, and take him out to graze where the good grass is. We'll see how things go. I am adjusting my expectations downward for both Champ and for advancing my riding skills this summer. I think I'll work on my horsemanship, stable management, and helping Wren with Gabby instead, because I want to, and because...well...I don't really have a choice. We haven't won the lottery yet, so no farm of our own, and so I can only do so much in terms of horse-having.

My trainer gave me an option to lease Promise instead, but that would be more money than we are paying for Champ right now, and Promise is so very green. She really needs the work I am sure I could put into her, but I can't afford half the board and farrier PLUS Wren's pony.

I would love to figure out a way to own this place, which just happens to be right next door to our trainer's barn. It's about twice our budget, though, so no chance of that happening, unless we won the lottery or had some wealthy benefactor. My trainer says it would be fantastic to make a cross country course through the woods there, linking with her property's course. I agree.

***********************************************

Today's barn trip was so much fun!
Turkey got a bath and a haircut, and so much love. I think he was happy. I know Travis was happy, and I can't tell you how full my heart is for the man I adore who, just one year ago, was afraid of horses and would have nothing hands-on to do with them. Now, he brings in horses from the field, can tack and groom, bathe, pick feet, and hand-graze them. I am so proud!

Poor Turkey is SO HOT with all that mane and forelock. It's awful. He lives outside 24/7, so making him as comfortable as possible is a good idea. I shaved his face a little, and then started working on roaching his mane, which has nothing to do with nasty insects and everything to do with a good haircut. He has so much hair, I couldn't get it all done in the time we had today, so I will finish up this week and post a picture of the results. After his bath, he just gleamed! He seemed so happy and comfortable! I sprayed him all over with some fly spray, put some fly repellent cream in his ears, and we took him back out to his pasture. He is beautiful.

It really makes me sad that his owners don't come to visit him, or ride him, anymore. I wish we could have him. If we had a farm and didn't have to pay board, we'd take him in a hot minute. Still, it makes me happy that we care for him as we can.

*****************************************

I haven't run for 18 days. I couldn't stand reading the posts from my friends who are all out there exercising and running....the competitive me couldn't take it anymore, and since resting my going-numb-when-I-run feet wasn't doing anything, I took off for two miles this morning. I always know when I haven't been exercising regularly -- I get a little out of breath climbing stairs, I can't hang on to the canter as long on my horse -- but when I haven't been running, WELL...I can tell. I can tell because when I get out there, the fat on my middle-aged ass jiggles and bounces along behind me like ill-fitting saddlebags.

THAT is NOT acceptable. Nor is it attractive. I'm only willing to give in to being middle-aged but so much at this point.

So, I'm back at it, at least until I am told otherwise. Going to keep the daily mileage low -- 2 to 3 miles, max -- until my orthopedist appointment in a few weeks. Then we'll see what I have to work with.

******************************************

Work is eating my soul, and also all the extra time and energy I have to be creative. It sucks, but it's enabling the horse stuff, so it's a catch-22. I haven't been able to make anything of substance in a very long time, and I believe my Muse is about to throw one epic tantrum. I also don't think it's possible to work fewer hours and get the work done on time, so I am stuck. The summer is going to be very, very tricky in terms of getting the volume of work done in the time that I have, given the kids will be home with me most of the time. I see quite a lot of evenings spent in my cubicle at the office, with the cleaning folks. Ugh.

I can't really complain, though. I have a good job, and I think I work for someone who values my work, although it's hard to tell at times.

At any rate, there's a thunderstorm tonight, which means I am putting Wren back to bed over and over until she finally decides to fall asleep. I think I've convinced her to stay in her room, though, so I'm going to grab myself some porch time before it gets too late.

How To Spend A Snowy Saturday

First, breakfast. With lots of coffee. And surveying of the wintry scene.

Two views of our front yard and road outside our house. About 2-3 inches of snow fell last night. I think we got at least an inch in the first hour of the storm. It was pretty fast, and covered the freezing cold roads pretty quickly.

Then there has to be some beagles, and maybe a cat. Just because.

Of course, there has to be some reading, while wearing wool socks, all cozied up on my favorite chair.


This is after a morning of errand-running, which included a trip to my least-favorite tack shop in the world, only because they had a dressage whip in stock for cheap, and my other, more favored shop did not.

And a trip to the fabric store for supplies for my newest obsession:

Needle-felting!

Kira taught me the basics on Friday afternoon, and I've been working on a small sculpture of Champ for the last two days. I needed more needles, and some wool roving in primary colors, so a trip to Jo-Ann Fabrics was necessary.

On a snowy day, it's also a good idea to have some hot tea with you as you read, or needle-felt.

Snowy days are also really good for playing the Wii.

And for memorizing your dressage test.

It's also a good time to give the guinea pigs some love. They need love, too.

That's Phineas. He's MUCH bigger than our new guy, Cyril, who is much more social than Phineas is, but Wren tries to love on them both so nobody feels left out.

Snow is no deterrent to grilling hot dogs for dinner, especially if it isn't actively snowing.

We had a pretty great day, snow and all. And no, I did not go for a run this time. I just didn't feel up to it.

I'm really glad the barn horse show is rescheduled from tomorrow to next week, though. It's still really cold outside!

 And the best thing to do at the end of a snowy day is...sleep.

Goodnight!

Silly

Sometimes you just have to put the glasses on the dog.

Independence Day!

It was a full weekend, full of friends and good food and fun times. We celebrated the USA's birthday in typical style, with lots of people and tons of food, and fireworks to mark the occasion.

It was hot, though. That part kinda sucked, frankly. But there was beer, to be sure, and watermelon, and the pool for the kids and sprinklers, so we survived. Barely.

Of course there was food....this is OUR house.....

I think I made everyone aware of the utter fantasticness of Zweigle's hot dogs, from Rochester, NY. My very very favorite from since I was a little kid. I love them burned to a crisp on the outside. Apparently everyone else loved them too, because I didn't get one! :( Thank GOD there is a Wegman's only an hour away so I can get more!! Oh, and Travis smoked a pork loin, too. YUM.

What would the 4th be without a flag cake or dessert?

This one has jello under the Cool Whip yum.

The kids played in the pool, and the sprinkler. Yeah, we had to drain and refill that poor pool at least once.

We had beer and sodas, of course.

There was much hanging out.

Kids loved the hammock.

This is the only picture I have of me...took it (poorly) with the self-timer. **Note to self: In the future, remember to ask people to take the camera and photograph YOU, too, Chris.**

We got all 15 kids (yes...fifteen...13 under the age of 12..) lined up in their chairs for some fireworks.

Sparklers, first, though.

All Dads Must Light And Monitor Fireworks.

I think it's an unwritten rule.

Two-thirds of my children stuck it out for a little while, but retreated because of the excessive noise....Wren found some comfort with out friend Dominique, and Kira just beat it indoors. Noah, however, the one who tells us frequently that things are "TOO WOUD, MOMMY!", was delighted.

(this was actually taken the night before, during some 'preview' fireworks)

All in all, it wasn't the best party I've ever thrown....it was so terribly hot, and there were some glitches in the overall situation, BUT I *think* people enjoyed themselves, and I was certainly glad to have everyone together. We really missed a few folks who were unable to make it, particularly our friend who got stuck working in the Midwest.

The evening ended on a more sour note than I wished. We hadn't made enough of an allowance for our three dogs, and by the end of things, the fireworks noise, the kids, the constant commotion and screaming, AND being outside in the heat all day all led to Quinn attacking Ruby and leaving her with puncture wounds in her neck. Ruby got her pound of flesh, though, as Quinn received four wounds in her right foreleg and by this morning, her leg was swollen and she was having difficulty walking on it. Some antibiotics and $200 later, she is on the mend. Ruby is going in tomorrow. Our poor credit card is getting a workout. We must take better care next time to give the dogs the space and peace they need during a party. I feel badly, but Quinn and Ruby seem to be friends again, so that is good.

Today was chock full of nothing, except I drove Kira back to her dad's for a couple of weeks. It was too damned hot to do anything else except vegetate in the air conditioning. Of course, we're old, so an all-day cookout party pretty much took everything out of Travis and I. The kids are going to bed on time tonight, and I plan to dump myself on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and the book I'm reading (Traveling With Pomegranates -- really REALLY good!).

Tomorrow....the kids go to summer preschool! I am trying not to be TOO excited; after all, I have loved having them around, but I am dying -- DYING, I tell you! -- for some solitary creative time. I feel my Muse hanging around and whispering to me, and I really need to answer Her. My torch needs to be set up again, and there is wire to bend and make into things, and several magazine articles to write, and work to be packed and sent off to editors, and a book proposal that isn't going to write itsdamnself!

Tomorrow morning, back on the bike at 5:30, too. I've had my holiday splurge, and now it's time to remember that 'discipline is freedom'...