Getting Schooled

Tuesday was an epic level of horseness. I had thought we both had lessons in the morning, but it was just me. Wren was getting ready for a local schooling show that was being held in the evening, and we had to clean that WHITE pony up.

And it was hotter than Hades, and insanely humid. Ugh.

Out to the barn early in the day, ride, ride, ride, groom that pony, bathe, apply fly spray and hope she doesn't roll in the next few hours. Pack the trailer, then go home and pack the people stuff. I was exhausted by 3pm, and the show was at 6.

Arrived back to the barn at 5, on time, expecting to load the horses and get down the road to the show by 5:20 or so, realistically....except...time turned into a fluid concept all of a sudden, and we didn't leave the farm until a quarter to six.

Now. Let me tell you about my obsessive compulsion for being early to things like this -- horse shows, events in which I have to play a role, or do some specific thing. I cannot stand to be late, and I DO NOT like to rush. Not at all. Not even a little. Show starts at 6? Need to be onsite by 5:30 at the VERY latest.

In this case, Wren was riding in the leadline and the walk/2 point classes. She is not especially confident riding in groups, and this was to be something she could handle and even step up to a little, as her previous off-farm show experience was only a leadline class. As with most shows, the most basic classes go first. Her classes were first and second, and the show was scheduled to start at 6.

Warming up before going in the ring

We arrived at 6, and had to park way on the other side of the ring. You see the problem already, don't you? Consequently, Wren did not get to ride in either of her scheduled classes, as one had already started when we arrived, and had only one child in it. The next class we missed because we were late and didn't get tacked up in time. We barely made it into the third class, which was Pre-Short Stirrup Walk/Trot, which we hadn't intended on having them do, but it was the only choice left. I thought Wren was going to cry, it was insanely hot and humid, but I sent her into the ring anyway.

 Little horse, big horse

Looking good, Wild Wings (Gabby) and Wren!

They did great! Although it was walk/trot, she didn't trot at all because she was very anxious about Gabby taking off (she wouldn't -- Gabby is a Show Pony -- but Wren doesn't trust that yet). One person was eliminated for getting off her horse to slap a horsefly off (who does that in the middle of a class??), and so Wren and Gabby ended up with a ribbon anyway. Fifth place out of six, even with no trotting. She did do a great job of staying relaxed, keeping her position, and steering, and following the directions to reverse and line up and all of that.

Lining up for the judge

Fifth place!!

Overall, it was not bad for Wren -- she went in a class, and got a ribbon, and got show experience, all good things. However, the issue of being late will not happen again. Next time, *I* will be wearing a watch, and *I* will be hustling the getting-off-the-farm machinations so that we can get to a show that is ten minutes away with thirty minutes to spare before the first class. I can't deal with lateness like this even a little bit.

I would point out that I should have known better, seeing as how my dressage test for the March horse trials was at 9:00am (absolutely canNOT be late for a scheduled test!) and we didn't get to the event (FIFTEEN minutes away) until twenty minutes before my test was to begin. No stress there (NOT!)!

It is soooooo hot, Mom.

So, aside from that, I am currently ordering a pair of breeches for Noah, who cried yesterday morning because he wasn't going to be able to ride in the horse show like Wren. Good thing there is a big tent sale coming up at one of the local tack shops. He needs his own helmet, too.

 Wren and Cassidy walk their mounts. Yep, that's Champ. He was pretty good, even when he tried to leave the ring while the class was in progress. "Meh," says Champ.

Promises, Promises

I had my weekly riding lesson today. Since one of my lesson buddies didn't come out to the barn, it was just going to be me and Champ in the ring with my trainer. Knowing that Champ is *spectacularly* difficult when he is alone in the ring, I got the option to ride Promise, a Thoroughbred mare owned by one of the boarders at the barn.

Promise is pretty green, in that she has not had a lot of experience doing things like jumping, or working on the carriage and impulsion for dressage. She flips her head around quite a lot, and is occasionally spooky. But she is willing, and has a good work ethic, although she demonstrated today that she does, in fact, know where the ring gate is. At least she isn't SO pushy about going out the gate when she isn't supposed to.

She's beautiful, too.

She's also a skinnyish horse -- not as broad-backed as some warmbloods I have ridden -- and she is sensitive to leg and seat and hands. The sensitivity is a good thing; I realized that I only have to think about bending, shift my weight in my seat, turn my upper body, look to the next spot, and she is turning in the direction I want her to go. I have to ride with very light hands. My trainer took away my gloves because she thinks it makes me ride heavier in my hands. I hate riding without gloves, and *I* couldn't tell the difference in the weight on the reins, but she said it was better. So I will ride without gloves, then, I guess.

We didn't canter or jump. I spent most of the lesson working her at the walk, bending, bending, bending on the serpentine and 20m circle and figure-8. I feel like I did more work on my riding, and on Promise's way of going than I have in many weeks. We put a standing martingale on her to reinforce the idea that she can't go around with her nose stuck in the air or with the constant flippy-flippy-flippy of the head, and it helped. No real arguing or freaking out or pulling against the martingale, just a 'normal' head carriage, relaxation, and brief moments of being on the aids. I got round circles and bendy bends, and she pointed out to me all the ways in which my seat and hands can be unstable, and how I don't anticipate my ride enough sometimes -- like closing the outside aids to prevent her from falling out of the circle or going toward the ring gate in that particular spot between H and C.

I wasn't scared of her.

And then there's Champ, who I hoped would be my buddy, but I am not sure we still want to do the same things anymore. He's so much fun to jump -- he's the first horse I actually feel like I could practice jumping on without supervision from my trainer, and he loves to do it. I can gallop him and not feel like I am being run away with. He can do 2'6" to 3' and not work too hard, and more importantly, not throw me out of the tack. He doesn't really refuse unless I hold him back and make him refuse. He's not spooky, doesn't buck, and isn't skittish when being worked with on the ground.

We rode briefly on Tuesday evening. He was being a pain about going up to the ring, and so I walked him a bit, then cantered (he didn't even bother with a gallop), jumped an 18" gate fence a few times, and then he made a beeline for the ring gate. Done.

We had had a great lesson last week, and I was hoping maybe that represented a turn of the corner toward a better partnership, but I just don't know.

The offer to half lease Promise is still on the table, but I hesitate. First, because she represents much more horse than Champ. Second, because the lease would be more expensive than what we pay for Champ, and that is problematic. And third, well, what if it doesn't go well? The last time I rode a horse that was considered green, I was terrified. And also 23, and while in better physical shape, most likely, definitely less experienced, so there's that. I wouldn't be riding her at all if I didn't have the skills to do it, and I certainly would not have been offered the lease if my trainer thought I couldn't handle her on my own.

It's frustrating, but I think I am going to hang on to Champ, at least through the summer, and ask if I could ride Promise in lessons periodically. I want to keep the option to ride on days other than lesson days, and if I let go of Champ, I wouldn't have that ability.

It's hard being patient, knowing somewhere out there, the horse situation for me is just waiting for good timing.

Trust Issues and The Path

I barely have time to be writing this post, and I don't have any fabulous pictures to put in it, but I want to capture my morning at the barn, and my lesson on Champ, before I forget it all. If you aren't a horse person, and you aren't following with interest my trials on the road to horsemanship, I won't blame you if you skip this. But as for my ride today...

It.

Was.

FANTASTIC.

I went to my lesson this morning with absolutely NO expectations at all. I didn't expect a fight, but I also didn't expect him to do anything easily, either. I was tired and I was thinking that maybe just an easy time of sitting and walking and maybe some trotting would be fine. Whatever he was going to do, I was fine with that.

Compared to the past month and a half of struggle, today was a ridiculous delight. The weather was calm with a bit of a breeze, and darkly overcast, and slightly cool (low 70's) in advance of the oncoming tropical storm remnants. Champ was quiet and pleasant in the cross-ties while I groomed him. I took extra care for fly spray and ointment on some small wounds, and I gave him treats. We tacked up and although he did his usual "horse statue" maneuver in the driveway up to the ring, we did get there after our lesson buddies walked past him.

In the ring, I could tell he was not best pleased, but he wasn't annoying and he did go ahead and walk and trot. There were two other horses and riders in the ring, after all, so he wasn't alone. We worked on shoulder-in and trotted around the ring and did circles in all the corners. He dirt-biked a lot of the circles, but in keeping with my lack of expectations, I didn't get too upset about it, and only corrected him when it was really crummy.

We galloped. A lot. Multiple turns around my trainer's huge ring. It was exciting and thrilling and FAST. That pony can get up and go when he really wants to.

After that, surprisingly, he was a LOT more attentive and slightly more responsive to my leg.We practiced the weenie World's Most Boring Dressage test (Intro test B), and actually did ok with it. No, the 20m circles weren't as round as I would have liked, no, his bend was not as bendy as it should have been, but his free walk was better, and the last tight turn up the centerline was actually kind of nice, maybe a 6. He halted square, too, but slightly short of X. I'll take it, though.

Then we galloped some more. Around and around the ring, and I even let go of the reins briefly, and then galloped him with my fingers just on the buckle of the reins. He was FAST. I imagined galloping cross-country and letting him jump all those jumps in Intro Novice. There were a couple of moments where I started getting nervous because he was just blasting around the ring, dirt-biking the corners, but he was clearly enjoying himself. My trainer was yelling at me to let go, let go, let him go, and so I did....it was awesome! I galloped with my fingers barely holding onto the reins and with him whipping around the ring like his ass was on fire. I had a few split seconds where I was starting to freak out and get anxious "OMG what if he trips and falls? I'll die at this speed!"....but then I imagined riding cross-country like that, just whipping along and jumping all the fences...and I think just at that moment, I started to trust him.

I have horse trust issues.

I worry that he won't jump, that he'll trip and fall over, that he'll run away with me. He won't. I can handle his speed, whereas one of the little girls who also rides him needs the slow-twist snaffle because with *her*, he will go blasting off, and she can't stay with him.

But I can.

We jumped, five fences on the outside line of the ring, hunter-style. Easy turns and lines, but still something to give me some confidence and some practice, and some focus on my position, letting him get to the fences and jump them himself. It was great. He took a long spot in the two, three-stride fences because I wasn't sitting in the saddle when I should have been, to get him closer to the base of the fence, but I kept my balance, stayed with him, and did not smack him in the mouth or flop on his neck or whatever, as he went over and landed. I found myself thinking I could have my fences a little higher and I'd be ok. Shocking!

Could I really be making progress? Is it possible that I am actually getting better, even though I haven't done what I would consider "sufficient practice" to really improve?

I wish it were easier for me to trust my horse, but maybe I am on the path.

Finally.

Jump ALL THE THINGS!!

I lifted this from Eventing Nation. 

The "all the things" and the image originally is part of this here by Allie Brosh. Just crediting the funny. ;)

Ok, so it's Mother's Day here in the US. And Travis had already said he didn't really plan anything, and he asked if I wanted to go to brunch at my favorite brunch-place, but I kinda didn't want to eat that much, and I didn't want to take the kids out. They had a tough day yesterday (well, it was a tough parenting day yesterday), and I wasn't up for more shenanigans. So I opted for four pieces of toast with lots of butter, and a great cup of coffee (which I made myself, since I let Travis sleep in). Wren had to go to her lesson in the afternoon anyway, so I didn't want to have to rush home and get barn stuff ready and blah blah blah, you get the idea.

Travis took the kids out in the morning for grocery shopping and left me here, alone. 

In the quiet. 

All by myself. 

It was a glorious hour and a half.

I cut out a new dress pattern (it's been forever since I sewed a garment for myself that was of the current modern time period). Actually, what I cut was the muslin for the bodice fitting I am going to have to do to this dress in order to make it actually, you know, FIT me, but that's beside the point. [insert grumbling about commercial pattern sizing here]

I thought, hey, I will cut this and stitch it together real quick and get started on the fitting, so that maybe by the end of the week, I can have a new dress. And then I realized I would have to move all five of the bicycles that were currently in front of my sewing machines in order to do any stitching. I would put the bikes in the shed, and shift some stuff from the shed to the garage, or someplace. And by the time I shifted the bikes to the shed, everyone would be back home from the store, and I would not be able to do what I had planned. And I gave up and put my stuff away. Bummer.

Yes. My sewing machines are in there someplace. Behind the bikes.

But they came home with a bouquet of roses!

And then we went out to the barn for Wren's lesson. I thought about riding Champ after the lesson, but I opted not to, mostly because I was being grumpy about not being able to sew. 

Wren rode Gabby. Champ was kind of annoying to the little girl who was riding him. I decided to hop on him after the lessons, and while I was completely NOT dressed for the occasion (shorts, sneakers, no sports bra), I found my half chaps and off I went. The ring was a no-go, he was not having any of that, so I took him out back of the barn to the mares' pasture (empty, because everyone was in the barn). I was just going to ride him around the pasture and go back in, but the sun was shining, the breeze was fantastic, and the field was FULL to brimming with bright and happy yellow buttercups. I couldn't resist some trotting, and then I saw the cross-country fences and I thought....hmmm....I wonder if I could just hop him over those teeny Intro level logs. 

Of course I can! Kathy says so. I put my legs on him, and away we went.

Not a moment's hesitation on his part AT ALL. Canter down the little hill, turn left, hop in, hop out, canter up the hill.

Huh. What do you know? Let's do that again!

Trot over, canter downhill, turn left, hop, hop canter....woo! AGAIN!! And let's add the woodpile in the trees at the top of the hill while we're at it!

SO instead we had....canter over, canter downhill (sit back, sit up), turn left (left rein up, relax), hophop, BLAST up the hill to the woodpile and (leglegleg, let the reins slide a little)...JUMP! Canter away!

OMG.   

One more time! Yay! (the last one he kind of jumped me out of the tack a bit, because he took that woodpile with the biggest, roundest jump I have ever felt him do).

Travis saw me jump, but didn't get it on video. Darn.

I did this IN MY SNEAKERS! And shorts! I looked like hell, with my fish-belly-white legs, and beat up old half chaps, but it was SO. MUCH. FUN.

I had to stop so we could get home so Travis could go pick up Kira, and because the saddle fittings were pinching my bare legs, otherwise I'd have jumped more things! I was eyeing the jump made of tires, and the one made of wire spools.....and the little ditch, and the blue barrels.....

Next time. Maybe Tuesday. :)

Recent adventures

Good Lord, there's so much to cover!

I needed to take a break from writing, as I do once in a while, to let things simmer a bit. Sometimes I don't feel like writing about everything, and sometimes, I just can't put into words what I really want to say. Rather than flounder, I wait.

Last month, I went 'home' to my alma mater -- SUNY-Geneseo -- for a dance department alumni reunion. It was terrific to see my professors and some friends, and wander around the campus and town I love so much. I really wish the weather had been better -- it was in the 70's the first day, and dropped to 40's within a 20 minute period. And then it snowed. yeah. As much as I love upstate NY, I don't think I could hack the winters anymore.

Sturges Hall, home of the Speech Pathology Department, and where I spent a lot of time.

 The view down to the College Union, from the gazebo that overlooks the Genesee Valley. The sunsets are incredible from this vantage point. You have no idea. I also spent a lot of time in this spot.

This is the hallway for the Speech Path Department. Clinics, offices, resource room, computer lab, lecture hall. LOTS of time here. Unfortunately, the college president has eliminated this program, so there will be no more degrees granted in Speech Pathology here any longer. A shame, really, since this was one of the highest rated undergrad programs in NY state.

And Emmeline, the Geneseo Bronze Bear. An icon, really. Legend says if a virgin ever graduates from Geneseo, the bear will jump down and run away. There she sits. ;)

My mom and I traveled together, a trip we have made in the past, and it was fun, and hilarious, and just a great experience. I know my mom and I didn't always get along when I was growing up, so it's especially nice to be able to do things like this with her now. Plus, we stayed at her best-friend-from-high-school's house. Sue is a total riot, and we managed to consume WAY more wine than I thought three women could do over the course of three nights. I loved hearing them tell stories about Catholic high school, and growing up in the 60's. Totally cool. Mom and I also did a little touristy sightseeing. We made a pilgrimage to the Rochester Public Library branch downtown. It was a place my mom used to take me when I was a kid, and it's still there, although now the library building is a new building across the street from the old building, which is now the Rochester City Archives. I think that excursion deserves a post of its own sometime soon.

The beautiful front of the old library building. I loved this place. Still do. It embodies everything I think a library should be, and should look like.

I got to see my best friend from college, too, which is always fantastic. We still manage to pick up right where we left off, no matter how long it's been since we've seen each other. And being on the campus, well, it's like we could be twenty again, just like that. I really do miss college. Of course, now I see it with the wisdom gained of twenty years, and so if I were to go back, I know exactly how I would do things. I'd do quite a bit the same, but I would change many, many things.

The end of Main Street in Geneseo, where it goes down toward the campus as Court Street. 

30 North Street, where I lived when I was a sophomore.

I celebrated my 43rd birthday when I got home from New York. My wonderful husband arranged for a cannoli cake from Fresh Market, which was incredible. And I got a new camera! A Fuji Finepix S, which I am loving.

Let's see....there was also some riding (badly), and we planted our vegetable garden, and then Wren had her first off-the-farm fancy horse show! She did great, and although it was a LONG day, we had a good time.
But first, there was a LOT of prep work. Wild Wings Gabby is almost completely white and she needed to be spiffy for the show. So there was a bath, and lots of scrubbing on Saturday night.

Noah was the assistant photographer for the day. He did a great job with my old camera.

Getting Gabby ready.

And Wren gets dressed, too. So fabulous!

Walking to the show ring

Kathy and Wren in the show ring!

Noah took this picture.

Hooray! A blue ribbon and a prize!

All the girls at our barn who rode in the show did well, and we brought home a number of ribbons. We were all so SO exhausted by the end of the day, though, and it took me at least til Tuesday to recover.

And that brings me to today. I had a lesson on Champ. It was a gorgeous day, and I had high hopes for a better ride than last time. I rode with the lightest hands possible, and kept my hands together with the reins on his neck. It helped. The steering wasn't working all that well, but when we got to the canter, my trainer told me to canter and let go of the reins. I told her no. I really thought I couldn't do it. I thought there was no way, NONE, that I would stay in the saddle. And I felt like a total loser for not even trying. So I cantered around the ring, and down each long side, I let go. Dropped my reins right on him, and held my arms out to the sides. I was flying! It was the best, the most wonderful smooth canter there ever was. I think maybe I could have ridden that forever. I wish I had.

I was flying.

Barn Day!

Sundays are usually 'barn days', in that Wren usually has her riding lesson in the afternoon. Since Travis has started studying photography at school, the whole family typically goes to the lesson to watch and hang out with the horses so Travis can take pictures.

Yesterday was a GORGEOUS day, and I planned to ride Champ while Wren and the other little girls rode in their lesson. The ring is big enough for me to do my thing at one end (as long as I don't canter and get the ponies worked up!), and the girls ride at the other end with our trainer. Because Travis had his birthday on Saturday, my trainer asked him if he would like to ride Turkey in a lesson after the girls as a birthday gift.

Naturally, I was not going to let that pass without taking as many pictures as possible. Plus, that meant I got to try out the new camera!

Travis took a bunch of pictures for a school project, and then snapped a bunch while the girls and I rode.

Wren seems to love Candy, although she tells me she gets scared because Candy "walks fast". Uh, no. I think it's more she moves differently than Keepsake, and wants to move faster. Kathy (our trainer) told Wren that Candy was practically taking a nap! I hope Candy (who is 20 years old) will be the confidence-builder Wren needs, much like Champ is the confidence-builder *I* need.

After lessons and my ride, it was time for Travis' birthday present from Kathy. He got a lesson on Turkey!

Noah wanted to help, too, so after the ride, he got out the brush box so he could groom Turkey with Daddy. Turkey measured out at exactly 18 hands at the withers (Kathy got out the stick), so Noah looked particularly teeny next to the massive Clydesdale!

Turkey really seems to love Travis. The feeling is mutual.

All in all, it was a great day. Beautiful weather, beautiful horses, and a fun time. Just the way I like my 'barn days'.

Kind of Like Mine

So, my trainer offered me a half lease on Champ, which basically means that in exchange for paying a portion of his expenses (farrier bills and some vet bills), I can ride him pretty much whenever he isn't being used for a lesson. Right now, I am just about the only student riding him, but there will be some beginner adults, and some of the kids riding him this spring and summer, I'm sure. Still, it's a good opportunity for me to ride more, which is one of the things that really holds me back in advancing my skills -- one lesson a week = maybe two hours in the saddle per week, which =/= a rapid accumulation of skills. I signed the lease agreement this morning, after my lesson. I'm excited, and Wren is completely thrilled, even though she is still sort of wary of "my" guy.

I probably have about a year to a year and a half of riding him before I am probably going to want to move up to a horse who can maybe do a little better in the dressage department, and maybe jump a bit more. We'll see, though, because right now I want to get my chickeny self under control, and be okay with speed, and jumping, and competitions. Contrary to my nerves, I actually *like* going to horse shows and participating. I even got a ribbon this last time! And it's hanging in my kitchen now, until I can find a way to display it (and the other three I have from YEARS ago).

It's actually prettier than any other horse show ribbon I've ever gotten. I love it.

And while I'm mostly competitive with myself, I do like to *be* competitive in the class or division, so I know there will come a day when Champ will probably not be the horse for me anymore. For now, though, he is smart and honest and safe and sane, and I'm happy with that, even if he's not a killer in the dressage ring. Quarter Horses rarely are. 

I had a great lesson this morning, even though it was --once again! -- freezing cold and windy. Ugh. When will spring get here for real? Champ and I really need to spend some time developing the canter a bit more -- transitions, rhythm, that kind of stuff. I had a couple of beautiful moments where he was terrifically light in the bridle, balancing on the 20m circle without leaning on my hands, and it was SO nice! I love it when it's all of a sudden like riding a rocking horse. And if I want to consider riding something other than the World's Most Boring Dressage Tests, then I need us to be together on the canter and its up and down transitions, as the next level up (Beginner Novice) has canter circles in the dressage tests. We didn't jump at all today, which was fine with me, but I expect I will be doing a lot more jumping soon. My trainer said he looked really good with the trot work we were doing, too, so that was positive. he definitely was not in a mood to halt square, however, even though I know the stinker knows how and when to do that.

So, Champ and I are a team, more officially now, I guess. I am already looking through tack catalogs to find him a nice dark green halter, and maybe another saddle pad or two. He's been using all of Keepsake's stuff, but it's time he had some of his own things!

I'm so happy. 

Trials

Sunrise on the way to the barn, 7:15am, March 23, 2013

The first go at this post was full of early-morning self-loathing, and regret, but I am getting over that now.

I want to focus on what went right about my first horse trials in seventeen years, but even at 4am, the morning after the event, I am having a hard time. I had hoped to post about how amazing I felt all day, how incredibly powerful it was to ride Champ and complete each phase of the event feeling strong. Instead, I am embarrassed by how I rode, and how stiff and nervous I look in all (well, most) the photos of me actually riding. How much I am hanging on that horse's face for dear life, how I am not letting him to his job because I am scared to let him go fast enough to do it.

I guess I'd also forgotten just how short and round I really am, and I can blame it on the white(!!) breeches and the bulky safety vest, but somehow the image I had of myself had a much leaner, longer, more elegant person in it, who, when sitting in the saddle, didn't take up ALL the area. Ugh, middle-aged rider who thinks she's still physically twenty-something.

Not the frame of mind I want to go forward with.

Instead, I am enjoying that I was good enough for fifth place in dressage, out of the ten or so people in my division, some of whom were riding instructors. I am enjoying the fact that I had a spectacular day with my daughter and husband and barn friends and family, and that Wren was an excellent and willing groom, full of love and care for the horses we had at the competition.(she informed me that she didn't like the title 'groom', and preferred to be known as the helper). She filled water buckets and helped hang haynets, carried equipment, and kept horses and people company.

It makes me happy that Champ's dressage test, while not fabulous, was under a 40, and I got some nice and helpful comments from the judge. Dressage is my 'thing', it's like dancing. And better dressage equals better riding position, better security over fences, and a happier, more confident rider.

Final halt at X. Not completely square or balanced from this angle, but we scored a 6 on this final halt. Got a 7 on the initial halt which was not square, but straighter.

I am thrilled that I didn't fall off, and that I even managed to survive one really huge spook on the way to dressage, and two hard XC refusals that really unbalanced me. I am happy that my trainer was happy that in three stadium refusals, I never let Champ turn away from the fence, and got him over it, even from a near-standstill. Not great form, perhaps, but at least I didn't wuss out and give up on it all.

In hindsight, I wish, I wish, I wish I'd let him gallop like he wanted to. We probably would have had more fun and fewer XC refusals, but I stayed on. That was my goal. A small goal, but a valid one for someone with so little competitive experience.

I am happy I made it all the way around this cross-country course. Especially those barrels, and that 2' high, 2' spread oxer.

I am amazed and happy that Heart of Gold/Champ/Mr. Princess puts up with me and lets me ride him and have a few moments of calm confidence occasionally.

Earlier, I was questioning my desire to do this kind of riding, but now I think I have gotten to the point where I just need to remember that with practice, and experience, will come the kind of relaxed confidence I want and need. I know I don't have the guts for much more than what I am doing, because even that 2/2 oxer was a scary proposition -- or maybe it's that I haven't gotten to the point where I can give some control over to Champ and let him do his thing while I balance and stay centered and quiet. Maybe I just don't trust that he will jump.

But I know what I need to and want to work on now. More flatwork for impulsion and balance. Better transitions. More speed. Rhythm. A decent rein release instead of the flappy business I've been doing.

And he looks so gorgeous in green, I want to get him a nice new halter. This is the first time since I started riding him in the fall, that I wish he were really mine. Maybe someday, or maybe some other wonderful horse one day. But he's my Champ for now. We'll see what we can do together.

(and thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to my wonderful husband, who puts up with me and supports me, and makes everything possible. I love you.)