Six Months

I've been at my new job for six months tomorrow. It's been a pretty good experience overall, and I think I have mostly moved beyond the intense perfectionistic stress of the first few post-training months into a place where I know what I'm doing more often than not. I've changed direct supervisors and that person seems much more on my wavelength as far as learning and working styles go, so that helps. Learning software that is NOT intuitive in the *least* is still my hardest task, and I think I'm improving my decision-making skills. I don't require constant review of everything I write anymore, and I've been 'released' to send reviews to doctors without sending to my direct supervisor first. And the Virginia Disability Determination Services as a whole won a national award, so we all got 4 hours of extra leave. Sometimes state jobs are nice.

The things I still don't love are being indoors all. day. long. Sitting for hours. Getting completely sucked into the detail-oriented work and realized three hours have gone by without me leaving my chair. The regular 8 hour day schedule. Making less money than I did previously. Not being in a management position for the first time in ten or more years.

I realized this week that I actually have less money now than when I was working last year. I didn't have to pay for child care last year. I didn't have a new car. I didn't go out for lunch because I was too much of a slacker to make my lunch the night before. And I was, even at my hourly rate, actually making a higher salary. Now it feels like most things are a squeeze. I should get a raise in September, and another one a year later, though. And some expenses, like child care, should fall off next year, along with one of the car payments.

It was, and has been, really tough to give up my working-from-home/stay-at-home-mom gig. Economic necessity (and by that I mean, maintaining the lifestyle we had) required it. I'm not 'brave' or particularly noteworthy for doing it, though. It was just a fact of circumstances, and I would rather struggle personally with my changed circumstances than struggle to provide activities and experiences for the kids, and riding and horses for myself and Wren.

I'm off today, and so I have had the ability to put a kid on the bus, make pizza dough from scratch for tonight's dinner, take care of some details for an upcoming horse show I am the volunteer coordinator for, and, yes, get out to the barn and get a ride in. Then I will make homemade pizza for dinner, and head to the museum to give a tour this evening. If I feel really ambitious, I'll vacuum the floors, maybe. It's nice to get a break in the week, but I will be back at work tomorrow. I'm just glad the time change is this weekend so heading to ride after work doesn't mean an intense race against the sun.

New Year, New Perspective, New Horse

Well, 2015 did not start out the way I had hoped, what with a fairly significant riding accident, and what I planned to be doing this month has not yet come to fruition (lots and lots of riding). 2014 definitely was the Year of the Horse for me, even though I didn't end up purchasing my own horse as I had hoped. I rode more in 2014 than I have in years, and improved so much, that I am thrilled. I even lost a whole bunch of weight (just about 18lbs), which I am desperately trying to keep off during this month of forced (relative) inactivity.

Since the early spring of 2014, I have been focused on improving my dressage skills, and because of the generosity of a new friend, I was able to lease Silver's Destiny, a 14h Welsh/TB cross pony mare with the capability of First Level work. It took a while for us to build our partnership, but we were able to do some really good things together, earn some respectable scores, win a couple of classes, and try out the First Level work. Unfortunately, she and I are not continuing into 2015 together, but I have been so very grateful for the opportunity to ride and care for her for the large majority of last year. I can't wait until the Virginia Dressage Association - Central Chapter end of year banquet tonight to find out how we did in the placings overall for Introductory Level!

Toward the end of the year, I started riding a mare, Something Victorious (AKA Flicka), a 15.1h Arab/TB cross that belongs to my trainer. Beautiful, forward-moving, graceful, she was MUCH different than Destiny, and I loved riding her. Another teenage girl at the barn has been riding her for the past couple of years, too, and I considered taking this mare on for 2015. A little less well-schooled, definitely NOT bombproof in the least, but still safe and willing. We did some nice work, rode out on the trail, and I never had a problem catching her in the field. I rode her in the last schooling show of the season, receiving not-terrible scores, and learned what to do when your horse totally freaks out during your test (answer: keep moving forward). She is the mare I was riding the Sunday after Christmas when I fell. Totally NOT bombproof, indeed.

I also rode my trainer's gelding, Reiner, a Dutch WB/Arab cross, about 16.something hands, grey, lovely mover who covers some serious ground. A little lazy when he isn't fit (and he isn't fit, really), but comfortable and fun to ride. He's TALL, and it's been so long since I rode a horse over 14h that he feels like a skyscraper, but I like the way I look on him, and he seems to fit me. I've only ridden him maybe two or three times -- once in a lesson -- but I think he might be my guy. Not loving the Arab in him, since I generally think Arabs are nutty, flighty creatures (and this was fairly proven the Sunday after Christmas...), but the warmblood part of him seems to be more prevalent. Of course, I rode him in a lesson, we did some First Level work, and then he was lame. Thankfully, it was only an abscess, which blew out of his heel a week or so ago, and now he is fine. He'll be who I get on, when I get back to riding.

And so far, tentatively, that day is Tuesday, January 27th. I'm going helmet shopping with a friend on Saturday the 24th, and then on Tuesday, I will ride. I can hardly stand it, the not riding. Thursday, I spent part of the afternoon watching my trainer and others have their lessons with Debbie Rodriguez, and I just wanted to ride so badly. Ugh. Soon, soon.

2014 was a great year for my riding. I can't believe how different I look, how much better I have been riding, and how much things have changed. I found two pictures of myself that Travis took, one in April of 2014 and one this past December. I was completely astonished by the difference in the way the photos look. Two different horses, yes, but everything about me is different in the December photo. Amazing. That's what good instruction and lots of practice gets you. Thanks so much, Wanda. I'd never have gotten this far without your excellent guidance. I can't wait to see what I look like at the end of 2015!

August

The summer will be over in less than two weeks, and the kids will be back to school and the Brandel household will resume its typical nine-months-out-of-the-year schedule.

This part of the year causes me much angst, sometimes, as I want the summers to be full of fun experiences and relaxing good times for our family, but most of the time, I feel like I fall short. I work at home/from home, and I have been very, very busy for several months. This did not abate into the summer months, and try as I did to lighten the work schedule, it just wasn't happening.

We spent a lot of time near computers, but we also visited the library often. We watched movies, but we also went to the pool several times a week (unless it was raining!).

I taught Wren to ride a two-wheeler recently, so we rode bikes, but not as much as we could have. We didn't travel, really. There was quite a lot of running back and forth to the office, but also quite a lot of running back and forth to the barn. I much preferred the barn running.

Wren AND Noah both rode in horse shows, and we did get to the drive-in at least once this season.

Kira has had a few happy weekends home, this last just so full of bubbly teenager life that I hated for her to leave. She's at the beach in Maryland now, hopefully enjoying time on the beach with her cousin and riding her bike all over the place.

I thought, this afternoon when we went to the pool for a little while, that it actually has been a pretty good summer. Yes, my work was relentless and took up way more time than I wanted it to, and no, we didn't travel or do a whole lot of big-deal things, but we spent time with friends, relaxed as much as possible, and did have fun! That's really what it's about, anyway.

And thanks to my mom, Travis and I got to run away to the mountains for two nights and go camping and canoe eleven miles down a section of the Shenandoah River. That was fantastic (and worth an entirely separate blog post).

I'm really looking forward to the kids starting back to school -- this is my first year where they all are in public school -- but the summer has been fun and pretty much what a summer should be like.

I do need some solitude and quiet, though. And the ability to work without constantly being interrupted. Soon.

Trust Issues and The Path

I barely have time to be writing this post, and I don't have any fabulous pictures to put in it, but I want to capture my morning at the barn, and my lesson on Champ, before I forget it all. If you aren't a horse person, and you aren't following with interest my trials on the road to horsemanship, I won't blame you if you skip this. But as for my ride today...

It.

Was.

FANTASTIC.

I went to my lesson this morning with absolutely NO expectations at all. I didn't expect a fight, but I also didn't expect him to do anything easily, either. I was tired and I was thinking that maybe just an easy time of sitting and walking and maybe some trotting would be fine. Whatever he was going to do, I was fine with that.

Compared to the past month and a half of struggle, today was a ridiculous delight. The weather was calm with a bit of a breeze, and darkly overcast, and slightly cool (low 70's) in advance of the oncoming tropical storm remnants. Champ was quiet and pleasant in the cross-ties while I groomed him. I took extra care for fly spray and ointment on some small wounds, and I gave him treats. We tacked up and although he did his usual "horse statue" maneuver in the driveway up to the ring, we did get there after our lesson buddies walked past him.

In the ring, I could tell he was not best pleased, but he wasn't annoying and he did go ahead and walk and trot. There were two other horses and riders in the ring, after all, so he wasn't alone. We worked on shoulder-in and trotted around the ring and did circles in all the corners. He dirt-biked a lot of the circles, but in keeping with my lack of expectations, I didn't get too upset about it, and only corrected him when it was really crummy.

We galloped. A lot. Multiple turns around my trainer's huge ring. It was exciting and thrilling and FAST. That pony can get up and go when he really wants to.

After that, surprisingly, he was a LOT more attentive and slightly more responsive to my leg.We practiced the weenie World's Most Boring Dressage test (Intro test B), and actually did ok with it. No, the 20m circles weren't as round as I would have liked, no, his bend was not as bendy as it should have been, but his free walk was better, and the last tight turn up the centerline was actually kind of nice, maybe a 6. He halted square, too, but slightly short of X. I'll take it, though.

Then we galloped some more. Around and around the ring, and I even let go of the reins briefly, and then galloped him with my fingers just on the buckle of the reins. He was FAST. I imagined galloping cross-country and letting him jump all those jumps in Intro Novice. There were a couple of moments where I started getting nervous because he was just blasting around the ring, dirt-biking the corners, but he was clearly enjoying himself. My trainer was yelling at me to let go, let go, let him go, and so I did....it was awesome! I galloped with my fingers barely holding onto the reins and with him whipping around the ring like his ass was on fire. I had a few split seconds where I was starting to freak out and get anxious "OMG what if he trips and falls? I'll die at this speed!"....but then I imagined riding cross-country like that, just whipping along and jumping all the fences...and I think just at that moment, I started to trust him.

I have horse trust issues.

I worry that he won't jump, that he'll trip and fall over, that he'll run away with me. He won't. I can handle his speed, whereas one of the little girls who also rides him needs the slow-twist snaffle because with *her*, he will go blasting off, and she can't stay with him.

But I can.

We jumped, five fences on the outside line of the ring, hunter-style. Easy turns and lines, but still something to give me some confidence and some practice, and some focus on my position, letting him get to the fences and jump them himself. It was great. He took a long spot in the two, three-stride fences because I wasn't sitting in the saddle when I should have been, to get him closer to the base of the fence, but I kept my balance, stayed with him, and did not smack him in the mouth or flop on his neck or whatever, as he went over and landed. I found myself thinking I could have my fences a little higher and I'd be ok. Shocking!

Could I really be making progress? Is it possible that I am actually getting better, even though I haven't done what I would consider "sufficient practice" to really improve?

I wish it were easier for me to trust my horse, but maybe I am on the path.

Finally.

Keepsake

Last year, right around this time of year, actually, Wren started to learn to ride. I chose Hunter's Ridge Equestrian Center in Powhatan, VA, because I liked the phone conversation I had with the owner and trainer, Kathy Pitt. She was knowledgeable, friendly and kind, took care of her horses well, and most of all, was willing and able to teach a very young child the skills necessary to ride. Wren was six, and completely in love with horses.

We met Keepsake, the venerable pony.

Twenty-six years old, a Welsh pony mare, and quiet and dignified, Keepsake was the perfect beginner's pony. She was tall, just about 14 hands, but she was calm, and slow, and tolerated just about anything happening on her back or around her and barely batted an eye.

Wren rode her all spring and summer, and in the fall, the time came for Keepsake to be retired. Wren had moved on somewhat to Champ, and Lily, and even took a shot at riding Gabby (which ended in her first fall), but Keepsake was always her favorite. We told her she was Keep's last little girl to teach to ride.

After Wren had a couple of confidence-shaking falls in the crummy cold weather this winter, Keepsake came out of retirement so Wren could regain some of the confidence she lost. All Keepsake was really up for these days was walking, so that is what she and Wren did.

Wren was lucky enough to have a couple of lessons more on Keepsake, and I am happy that we got a few more pictures of shaggy, beautiful, sweet Keepsake.

January 2nd of this year, Keepsake suffered a small stroke, but recovered, and wasn't permanently affected.

Sometime yesterday, Keepsake, who was afflicted with melanoma, a slow-growing cancer common to grey horses and ponies, became ill. She colicked, and couldn't recover this time, and the decision was made to let her go.

I am so eternally grateful that Wren had her in her life, and that she was able to have a good experience with her. I am worried that Wren will not want to ride anymore, without her staid and solid pony friend.

We're really going to miss you, Keepsake, but I know you are galloping around greener pastures.

I just have no idea how to tell Wren.

Finding Joy

Last night was my first training session at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts, where I am a provisional docent. Docent is a fancy word for tour guide, and it comes from the Latin, 'docere', which means 'teach'. Most museums that I know of use the term docent to describe the people who conduct tours of the museum's exhibits.

The training for VMFA docents is nine months long, with weekly two-hour sessions. We'll be learning about each of the museum's galleries and collections, and every other week is a lecture about a major period of art history, taught by one of the museum's curators. Next week we start with ancient art. I can hardly wait! I'm sure someday the excitement of being allowed in the galleries and in the library outside of public hours will dissipate. Actually, I kind of hope it doesn't.

The docent position is completely a volunteer thing, and people have expressed amazement to me that I would undertake such an involved process with a commitment like this in order to be a volunteer. But why wouldn't I? This is the state's museum, it's important, I love to teach and tell people about historical artifacts and the people who made them. I love to do research and find new answers to old questions - or new questions.

I am using this training and this volunteer position to determine how big a change I might make in my future.

It's a logical thing for me. Yes, the time is significant. No, I don't get paid. Yes, it means some schedule Tetris and some asking friends to help on occasion. But the rewards are great. I get to help my state's museum further it's mission to reach out to all people in the state and beyond, and to join the conversation about why art is important in our 21st century world. For me, it's not about teaching the people who already like art or know about art. It's the opportunity to show someone who thinks art is only for high-brow, highly educated, highly sophisticated people, a new perspective on the world. If I can do that, then that is worth it to me. With arts funding totally down everywhere, and schools cutting arts programs like a hot knife through butter, what better time to use my own enthusiasm to show people why cutting this out of our lives is a huge mistake?

After we learned about the docent programs and policies, and did a fun exercise in verbal communication and visual skills in the (closed) gallery, we were done for the evening. I get access to one of the largest museum research libraries on the east coast of the US, access to the curators if I need research questions answered, and the chance to teach, however informally.

As I walked out of the building that used to be the Home For Needy Confederate Women, dusk was falling and the streets were quiet. A sense of 'right-place' came over me and for a brief moment, tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. THIS is where I want to be, at least one day a week.

Summer 2010

*Kira got "most improved in math for the 6th grade" * We adopted a new kitty* I rode my scooter to the farmer's markets * we celebrated a fantastic Father's Day * Our garden grew (and grew and grew!) * We ate chicken wings at our favorite place, Quaker Steak & Lube! * Flowers! * Fun in the fountains at Stony Point * Fun in the pool! * Fun on the playgrounds * We went roller skating! * There was a whole lot of grass-cutting * We studied hawks in our backyard * We threw a party on the 4th of July * Sparklers! * Noah got a big-boy bed * Tomatoes and more tomatoes (and cucumbers!) * We visited Hollywood Cemetery * Played in the sprinkler * Mommy and Daddy managed to have lunch ALONE one day * there were some BIG summer storms! * Our dogs were happy * I got my first piece of jewelry published * We baked and decorated cupcakes * We built lots of forts * And played in the pool * And watched the birds * And celebrated Kira's 12th birthday * And cheered for Kira getting her first belt in martial arts!*

We've had a terrific summer!

It was unbelievably hot this year, and that really limited some things, but all in all, we had a great time, spent lots of time together, and are looking forward to a fun fall season.

I can't believe how big all the kids are getting. Time definitely marches on.

Consolidating

So, for a long time, I have had a personal blog over at Typepad, called Adventures In Living. I decided that, since all the rest of my blogs were hosted over here on Blogger, I would go ahead and switch Adventures over to Blogger as well.

Why?

Well, I like the templates better. For one thing.

Blogger is free, for another, and I had a paid Typepad account.

I also think it's easier for me to see who is reading, following and playing along on this little linguistic adventure. (Ha!)

Besides, it was time for a change anyway. Hope you like the new template design!