Six Months

I've been at my new job for six months tomorrow. It's been a pretty good experience overall, and I think I have mostly moved beyond the intense perfectionistic stress of the first few post-training months into a place where I know what I'm doing more often than not. I've changed direct supervisors and that person seems much more on my wavelength as far as learning and working styles go, so that helps. Learning software that is NOT intuitive in the *least* is still my hardest task, and I think I'm improving my decision-making skills. I don't require constant review of everything I write anymore, and I've been 'released' to send reviews to doctors without sending to my direct supervisor first. And the Virginia Disability Determination Services as a whole won a national award, so we all got 4 hours of extra leave. Sometimes state jobs are nice.

The things I still don't love are being indoors all. day. long. Sitting for hours. Getting completely sucked into the detail-oriented work and realized three hours have gone by without me leaving my chair. The regular 8 hour day schedule. Making less money than I did previously. Not being in a management position for the first time in ten or more years.

I realized this week that I actually have less money now than when I was working last year. I didn't have to pay for child care last year. I didn't have a new car. I didn't go out for lunch because I was too much of a slacker to make my lunch the night before. And I was, even at my hourly rate, actually making a higher salary. Now it feels like most things are a squeeze. I should get a raise in September, and another one a year later, though. And some expenses, like child care, should fall off next year, along with one of the car payments.

It was, and has been, really tough to give up my working-from-home/stay-at-home-mom gig. Economic necessity (and by that I mean, maintaining the lifestyle we had) required it. I'm not 'brave' or particularly noteworthy for doing it, though. It was just a fact of circumstances, and I would rather struggle personally with my changed circumstances than struggle to provide activities and experiences for the kids, and riding and horses for myself and Wren.

I'm off today, and so I have had the ability to put a kid on the bus, make pizza dough from scratch for tonight's dinner, take care of some details for an upcoming horse show I am the volunteer coordinator for, and, yes, get out to the barn and get a ride in. Then I will make homemade pizza for dinner, and head to the museum to give a tour this evening. If I feel really ambitious, I'll vacuum the floors, maybe. It's nice to get a break in the week, but I will be back at work tomorrow. I'm just glad the time change is this weekend so heading to ride after work doesn't mean an intense race against the sun.

Monday

Good morning.

Start of the week, quiet in the house, and I should be working, but instead I am thoroughly basking in the silence. And the distinct possibility of finishing my cup of hot coffee while it's still warm.

That almost never happens.

Travis is still in NC with his mom, who is having back surgery today (get well, soon, Joan!). I'm already doing the juggling for the next couple of days to get everyone where they need to be, and meet the obligations I need to meet. Can't wait til he gets home. Everything is better when he's here.

Of Mice and Men

I see that I have not updated this blog since the end of September. Wow. I love to write, and I hate that I have not been writing. Well, I *have* been writing, just for various other outlets and requirements.

The autumn season at our home has been the exemplification of "the best laid plans....".

I had hoped the spend the fall working, and riding, and making things. Getting into a routine of daily life that was, if not predictable, at least regular enough so as to be manageable. Doing research on a sculpture in the museum that I was going to be giving a talk to the docents about. Planning Halloween costumes, and getting Christmas shopping done early.

Right.

Well.

School started, and while Noah had a completely seamless transition into the rigors of full-time public school, complete with bus-riding and cafeteria lunches, Wren struggled mightily. Still is struggling. Kira, on the other had, had the best-ever beginning of school -- making A's in five of her seven classes, getting her work done and on time, answering my daily "How was school?" question with "It was great!" more often than not. A *major* change for her, just major. We even attended an admissions evening event for her first-choice college -- The Savannah College of Art & Design -- and the admissions administrator, an animator by training, loved her work. Amazing.

Then, about mid-October, the hard-won joy and progress was shifted when Kira was the victim of ridiculous policies of the high school and the school system. I don't want to go into it here, because we are still in the process of making the issues known, and I'm sorry for being vague. Suffice it to say, the next six weeks were among the most stressful I have experienced in the last ten years. Filled with emotion, and discussion, and meetings, and decision-making. It affected everything about my life from that day to just about this one. It ruined her hard-fought grades, and shifted her motivation.

I thought about turning to my blog, to air my grievances, talk, write, and get it all out of my head. But I wish to move cautiously, judiciously, in matters concerning my daughter -- all my children -- and thus, left it out of this corner of cyberspace. I know you understand.

We celebrated Noah's sixth birthday earlier in November. I'm a convert to having kids' birthday parties outside the home, now, after several years of throwing two parties almost back to back, two weeks before Christmas.

I still cannot believe my sweet baby boy is six years old. And an elementary school kid.

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and we were so thrilled to be able to celebrate it (on Wednesday night, as is our custom) with my Dad! I think it's been at least ten years since I have been able to share food around the table at the holiday with either of my parents, Kira's schedule with her father being what it has been. The table was full, our hearts were overflowing, and the food, as always, was spectacular.

I even found linen napkins the perfect shade of gold to go with my inherited (from Travis' grandmother) china. We have been pretty happily eating leftovers for the past few days.

I can't believe it's December already, either. Wren's birthday is up next, with a party at the Richmond SPCA. Tomorrow I am giving a talk at the museum in the docent's training session about a beautiful German Gothic sculpture. I'm really looking forward to it for a number of reasons, and the act of doing the research and learning the things I needed to learn has sparked many trains of thought for me. Sharing that is a separate post, I think.

I have not been riding nearly as much as I had hoped. Not even weekly, which disappoints me and makes me sad. It can't be helped, though, as I have so much work to do, and the additional issues this fall just prevented me from making it out to the barn regularly. I hope I can remedy that this winter into next spring. Same with running, which has been as irregular as ever since the summer. It's been hard not being able to throw myself into these pursuits, but other things have had to take priority, unfortunately.

My goal is a horse trials in the early spring, and possibly the Disney Wine & Dine Half-Marathon in the fall of 2014. We'll see.

Of course, I had a riding lesson scheduled for this morning, but I managed to get sick over the weekend, and riding in the below-freezing temps before a week of critical work is probably not a great idea. Sometimes being a responsible adult really does suck. You know? I'm staying home, instead, while Travis takes Wren to the barn for her lesson this afternoon. I think I'll probably sew, and study my paper for tomorrow's talk.

And relax. I need it.

August

The summer will be over in less than two weeks, and the kids will be back to school and the Brandel household will resume its typical nine-months-out-of-the-year schedule.

This part of the year causes me much angst, sometimes, as I want the summers to be full of fun experiences and relaxing good times for our family, but most of the time, I feel like I fall short. I work at home/from home, and I have been very, very busy for several months. This did not abate into the summer months, and try as I did to lighten the work schedule, it just wasn't happening.

We spent a lot of time near computers, but we also visited the library often. We watched movies, but we also went to the pool several times a week (unless it was raining!).

I taught Wren to ride a two-wheeler recently, so we rode bikes, but not as much as we could have. We didn't travel, really. There was quite a lot of running back and forth to the office, but also quite a lot of running back and forth to the barn. I much preferred the barn running.

Wren AND Noah both rode in horse shows, and we did get to the drive-in at least once this season.

Kira has had a few happy weekends home, this last just so full of bubbly teenager life that I hated for her to leave. She's at the beach in Maryland now, hopefully enjoying time on the beach with her cousin and riding her bike all over the place.

I thought, this afternoon when we went to the pool for a little while, that it actually has been a pretty good summer. Yes, my work was relentless and took up way more time than I wanted it to, and no, we didn't travel or do a whole lot of big-deal things, but we spent time with friends, relaxed as much as possible, and did have fun! That's really what it's about, anyway.

And thanks to my mom, Travis and I got to run away to the mountains for two nights and go camping and canoe eleven miles down a section of the Shenandoah River. That was fantastic (and worth an entirely separate blog post).

I'm really looking forward to the kids starting back to school -- this is my first year where they all are in public school -- but the summer has been fun and pretty much what a summer should be like.

I do need some solitude and quiet, though. And the ability to work without constantly being interrupted. Soon.

Bring it on, Summer!

Summer has officially started here at the Brandel Circus. All three of the kids are out of school now, and we have shifted to what will be the schedule for the next two and a half months.

(I still can't believe Noah is starting kindergarten in the fall.)

We've been getting ready for summer for a while, finding all the fun outdoor toys, stocking up on bubbles and water balloons and getting a new lawn sprinkler. Soon, we'll join the pool, and then the fun really begins!

(I have got to get Wren a better-fitting bike helmet...)

Noah is attending a Kindergarten Readiness camp at the elementary school starting July 1, so in two weeks, my big boy will already be getting on the bus and riding away from here to start his own adventures. Kira will be off to her dad's house for the summer next Friday (boo! We miss her when she's gone!), and Wren and I will probably be at the barn most mornings while Noah is at school. We don't really have any travel plans this summer, what with the horses this summer, and the big trip to Miami last year, and the potential for a Disney vacation next year.

I'm hoping for a July schedule that involves getting to the barn by 8:30 at least three days a week, helping Wren with Gabby (groom, round pen, tack, ride), and then getting in a ride on Champ before heading home to get Noah off the bus at noon. After that, pool time! We'll have to fit in other barn time on the weekends or in the evenings, because Travis has already bemoaned the lack of built-in Turkey time for him. I anticipate much library time, and computer and Wii time, too. Summers are very HOT in Virginia, and I can't say I love being out in the heat of the day.

My kids are predisposed to love books and learning, so I am not too worried about "summer slide", or whatever they are calling it these days, but I am considering making some sight word flashcards for practice with Noah, and getting some math facts cards for Wren. Noah started reading a couple of months ago, and while he is not proficient, he is definitely ahead of his level already, and I'd like to build on that a little.

Somewhere in our schedule, I need to find time to work.

Maybe some day trips will be part of the weekend agenda, maybe we will go camping at the state park near our house. I definitely want to hit the state park's water playground.

I think it's going to be a fun summer.

Spring, please!

It's Easter weekend!

We colored eggs yesterday, and I spent most of the day baking and cooking. Happily, I did get to run out to the barn for a ride on Champ. I wish, I wish, I wish it could have been a trail ride, because the weather was perfect and I would have loved to spend the time ambling through the woods with my buddy, but we had to settle for some time in the ring, instead.

At least I got to ride in short sleeves.

Trot circles, plenty of working on that 'marching' walk the dressage judges want to see, serpentines for bending, and a couple run-throughs of our current dressage test. And since my trainer said I need to canter more, we did about ten to fifteen minutes of canter practice -- all around the ring, and 20m circles in the corners. Not bad, but he does seem to think cantering always means jumping. Not today, buddy!

This morning, with my coffee, I have been perusing real estate ads, and trailer-for-sale ads, not that we are in the market for either one of those things. I *do* like to dream, though. There's one house currently on the market in our price range and preferred location that has pretty much everything we want in a house and horse farm -- established fencing, four stall barn (attached to the house by the laundry room!!), and plenty of outdoor storage. The only thing it lacks is a fourth bedroom, so that makes it not even a consideration. Boo. It's been on the market a while, too.

I don't think I've really recovered from the disappointment of last fall, finding our perfect farm-to-be, and not being able to buy it because we couldn't sell our house for what we needed. The market is turning around now, but the timing is crummy. I don't want to pull my oldest from her high school, so we'll wait til she graduates in three years.

At any rate, as much as I long for the ability to look out my window and see my horses in my field, it's good to get back to the equestrian life in the way I am doing it now. While I'm still home with young children, it's a lot less stressful and simpler. But I still can dream for the time being, can't I?

Decisions

I have really been struggling with motivation to run, to control how much I eat, to make disciplined decisions about fitness, work, personal boundaries, and other life stuff. I have not failed to get myself to the barn for my weekly lesson, though. I'm sure that says something.

While I love running in the cooler temperatures, the cold makes me want to hole up in the house with a book and some tea and some art materials and just hibernate. But I know in July, when it's a hundred degrees in the shade, I will wish for 45 and cloudy for my eight mile run or whatever. It's been a struggle to get myself out of the house. Even my recent awesome results with running with music have not been encouraging enough, mostly because I hurt my knee doing that. Boo.

Riding has been going fairly well, although I definitely would still classify myself as a beginner rider. I can easily do a 2' course, but my dressage on Champ is messier than I'd like, and that's mainly a lack of practice. My trainer suggested I do the Calais Horse Trials this March, with the two teens at the barn and one of the girls Wren rides with. Three of us would go at the Introductory level. I *can* do it, but I am having a hard time deciding if I *want* to do it. Horse trials have gotten more expensive in the last 15 years, and for this one in particular, I would need a show coat, and a protective vest, and white breeches, none of which I have right now. And all of which are not particularly cheap. Plus, I think, trailering fees, coaching fees, and likely some $ for the use of a school horse. Could be a lot. The other factor is I don't feel like I can do both a horse trials AND the Monument Avenue 10K. They don't conflict in date or anything, but I don't feel like I can focus on both, and I certainly don't want to pay for both. The other factor here is I desperately need a new pair of running shoes, if I want to keep running without hurting myself, and that is at least $75 to $100, easily.

It always comes down to time and money, doesn't it? Well, I guess not always, but often enough.

I wish I could decide if I really want to go out for that horse trials or not. Part of me wants to be brave, part of me feels like I don't have near enough riding under my belt at this stage to go do a three-phase event, even if it IS only a few fences at two feet, and a 2 minute walk-trot dressage test.

And part of me feels a little burned out on other aspects of my life, which is making it more difficult to do even some of the fun stuff. Blah.

Probably I should not make decisions when I haven't had sufficient sleep to not be overwhelmed by stuff. Probably I should also check Travis' Saturday school schedule, because if he has school on the horse trials date, then my decision is made for me.

I guess I should stop thinking and get some work done. Right after I referee a fight between the little kids over who gets to sit on the new ottoman that has wheels.

**EDITED to add: HAHA! Travis does NOT have school on the day of the horse trials, but DOES have school on the day of the Monument 10K! Hmm...

Making stuff

Let's start this blog post with a gratuitous picture of Champ:

I love the PicMonkey photo editor. It makes my pictures look like I know what I am doing when I take them. Travis is taking a photography class this semester, so maybe between the two of us, our family snapshots will be significantly better.

In other news, poor Kira is suffering through the loss of her wonderful canine companion that her father owned. Bear was unfortunately hit by a car and killed last Saturday. She is struggling with this loss, and we are doing our best to help her process her grief. Sometimes it's hard to remember that we willingly choose to accept companion animals into our hearts and lives, knowing their own lives are much shorter than ours. I hope for her for an easy path through her pain.

Since Kira got me started with needle felting, I have been thinking about what else I can turn my hands to and make. The creative juices are flowing, but I am having a hard time getting projects moving. I did get started on a mixed-media box project that I have a cool box for and an unfinished idea about:

I've gotten to the gesso stage, but that's as far as I've gone at this point. Of course, since my sewing/craft/art/project space looks like this, it's tough to get moving and stay creatively engaged.

Way back in October, we honestly thought the farm of our dreams was within our grasp. So much so that I started to consider the state of our current house and getting it ready for the market. that meant tidying up all of the interior spaces. THAT meant the only solution I could see was to pack up most of my art and sewing supplies. They were stuffed into a too-small space to begin with -- the office of our house -- because the fourth bedroom became Noah's back in 2007.

We have so completely outgrown this house. Or at least, I have. I need a room of my own, and so does Travis.





Anyway, the result of all this upswing in creative activity is this scene on my nightstand.

I usually have a ton of books there, but yesterday the kids and I went to the library, and I came home with books on bookbinding, in addition to two more Rita Mae Brown foxhunt mysteries. I think I want to try some bookbinding, particularly Coptic stitched bindings, and investigate some other medieval and earlier period books. It's all so fascinating to me, and as usual, I want to try some of everything!

I did finally make the earring holder for my room. It was simple, since I already had the empty frame in my garage attic. Some screen material, a staple gun, and one of those 3M Command adhesive hooks ( I LOVE those things!), and there ya go. Good thing, too. I have a ton of earrings and no good way to keep track of them.

I have nothing good to keep my art jewelry necklaces in or on, so I opted for more Command hooks. I hate for the work I've made to languish in a drawer, where I can't see it to wear it. Usually, I'm wearing this necklace, though, a Christmas gift from my husband. I've always loved the horse triskele, and this design matches my tattoo AND my new mug!

One beautiful horse for each beautiful child in my family. Like a Celtic equestrian mother's necklace. 

Anyway, I think I am going to try to make some more progress on that box project I started. Not sure exactly where it is going yet, but hopefully I will know when I've gotten 'there'.

Happy Wednesday!

What to do with a rainy Tuesday....

...take out your umbrellas...

...maybe swing in the hammock...

...dig in the dirt...

...relax and enjoy it...and read about gardening...and promise yourself you'll be a more diligent gardener this year...but mostly, relax...

(oh, and maybe do some laundry)

Saturday Morning

It's a sad state of affairs that three beers consumed within a couple of hours on a Friday night while watching 'Supernatural' can lead to a cloudy, vague headache and the need to drink copious amounts of water at 5:00 in the morning. WTF is up with that? I must be old. Sad, really. Very sad.


Today we have an appointment with the kitchen designer at Home Depot to set in motion the new kitchen island. I want red cabinetry, like this:


I don't want that exact island, but definitely those cabinets and finish, and the light grey granite countertop. Travis doesn't think we need new kitchen cabinets -- and we don't, not now -- but eventually we will have them. I might even want black cabinets. Something dramatic and beautiful.

The rest of today will be full of errands, and doing some A Hot Piece of Glass business stuff, and getting ready for next weekend -- a trip to NC, and a show for me (that I don't have to be physically present for). I'm looking forward to both, especially the show, since I have a long list of tools and equipment that need to be purchased or upgraded in my workshop.

I guess I should go take a shower and get going on this day.

Independence Day!

It was a full weekend, full of friends and good food and fun times. We celebrated the USA's birthday in typical style, with lots of people and tons of food, and fireworks to mark the occasion.

It was hot, though. That part kinda sucked, frankly. But there was beer, to be sure, and watermelon, and the pool for the kids and sprinklers, so we survived. Barely.

Of course there was food....this is OUR house.....

I think I made everyone aware of the utter fantasticness of Zweigle's hot dogs, from Rochester, NY. My very very favorite from since I was a little kid. I love them burned to a crisp on the outside. Apparently everyone else loved them too, because I didn't get one! :( Thank GOD there is a Wegman's only an hour away so I can get more!! Oh, and Travis smoked a pork loin, too. YUM.

What would the 4th be without a flag cake or dessert?

This one has jello under the Cool Whip yum.

The kids played in the pool, and the sprinkler. Yeah, we had to drain and refill that poor pool at least once.

We had beer and sodas, of course.

There was much hanging out.

Kids loved the hammock.

This is the only picture I have of me...took it (poorly) with the self-timer. **Note to self: In the future, remember to ask people to take the camera and photograph YOU, too, Chris.**

We got all 15 kids (yes...fifteen...13 under the age of 12..) lined up in their chairs for some fireworks.

Sparklers, first, though.

All Dads Must Light And Monitor Fireworks.

I think it's an unwritten rule.

Two-thirds of my children stuck it out for a little while, but retreated because of the excessive noise....Wren found some comfort with out friend Dominique, and Kira just beat it indoors. Noah, however, the one who tells us frequently that things are "TOO WOUD, MOMMY!", was delighted.

(this was actually taken the night before, during some 'preview' fireworks)

All in all, it wasn't the best party I've ever thrown....it was so terribly hot, and there were some glitches in the overall situation, BUT I *think* people enjoyed themselves, and I was certainly glad to have everyone together. We really missed a few folks who were unable to make it, particularly our friend who got stuck working in the Midwest.

The evening ended on a more sour note than I wished. We hadn't made enough of an allowance for our three dogs, and by the end of things, the fireworks noise, the kids, the constant commotion and screaming, AND being outside in the heat all day all led to Quinn attacking Ruby and leaving her with puncture wounds in her neck. Ruby got her pound of flesh, though, as Quinn received four wounds in her right foreleg and by this morning, her leg was swollen and she was having difficulty walking on it. Some antibiotics and $200 later, she is on the mend. Ruby is going in tomorrow. Our poor credit card is getting a workout. We must take better care next time to give the dogs the space and peace they need during a party. I feel badly, but Quinn and Ruby seem to be friends again, so that is good.

Today was chock full of nothing, except I drove Kira back to her dad's for a couple of weeks. It was too damned hot to do anything else except vegetate in the air conditioning. Of course, we're old, so an all-day cookout party pretty much took everything out of Travis and I. The kids are going to bed on time tonight, and I plan to dump myself on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and the book I'm reading (Traveling With Pomegranates -- really REALLY good!).

Tomorrow....the kids go to summer preschool! I am trying not to be TOO excited; after all, I have loved having them around, but I am dying -- DYING, I tell you! -- for some solitary creative time. I feel my Muse hanging around and whispering to me, and I really need to answer Her. My torch needs to be set up again, and there is wire to bend and make into things, and several magazine articles to write, and work to be packed and sent off to editors, and a book proposal that isn't going to write itsdamnself!

Tomorrow morning, back on the bike at 5:30, too. I've had my holiday splurge, and now it's time to remember that 'discipline is freedom'...