Decisions

I have really been struggling with motivation to run, to control how much I eat, to make disciplined decisions about fitness, work, personal boundaries, and other life stuff. I have not failed to get myself to the barn for my weekly lesson, though. I'm sure that says something.

While I love running in the cooler temperatures, the cold makes me want to hole up in the house with a book and some tea and some art materials and just hibernate. But I know in July, when it's a hundred degrees in the shade, I will wish for 45 and cloudy for my eight mile run or whatever. It's been a struggle to get myself out of the house. Even my recent awesome results with running with music have not been encouraging enough, mostly because I hurt my knee doing that. Boo.

Riding has been going fairly well, although I definitely would still classify myself as a beginner rider. I can easily do a 2' course, but my dressage on Champ is messier than I'd like, and that's mainly a lack of practice. My trainer suggested I do the Calais Horse Trials this March, with the two teens at the barn and one of the girls Wren rides with. Three of us would go at the Introductory level. I *can* do it, but I am having a hard time deciding if I *want* to do it. Horse trials have gotten more expensive in the last 15 years, and for this one in particular, I would need a show coat, and a protective vest, and white breeches, none of which I have right now. And all of which are not particularly cheap. Plus, I think, trailering fees, coaching fees, and likely some $ for the use of a school horse. Could be a lot. The other factor is I don't feel like I can do both a horse trials AND the Monument Avenue 10K. They don't conflict in date or anything, but I don't feel like I can focus on both, and I certainly don't want to pay for both. The other factor here is I desperately need a new pair of running shoes, if I want to keep running without hurting myself, and that is at least $75 to $100, easily.

It always comes down to time and money, doesn't it? Well, I guess not always, but often enough.

I wish I could decide if I really want to go out for that horse trials or not. Part of me wants to be brave, part of me feels like I don't have near enough riding under my belt at this stage to go do a three-phase event, even if it IS only a few fences at two feet, and a 2 minute walk-trot dressage test.

And part of me feels a little burned out on other aspects of my life, which is making it more difficult to do even some of the fun stuff. Blah.

Probably I should not make decisions when I haven't had sufficient sleep to not be overwhelmed by stuff. Probably I should also check Travis' Saturday school schedule, because if he has school on the horse trials date, then my decision is made for me.

I guess I should stop thinking and get some work done. Right after I referee a fight between the little kids over who gets to sit on the new ottoman that has wheels.

**EDITED to add: HAHA! Travis does NOT have school on the day of the horse trials, but DOES have school on the day of the Monument 10K! Hmm...