Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Today is my dad's birthday. He's, oh, I don't know, 62 or 63 maybe? Sometimes it seems like my parents are ageless. They were very young when I was born -- in fact my mom was 40 (the age I am now) when I graduated from college -- so it doesn't seem as though they should get any older. Certainly not OLD, old. Like, elderly, like grandparents, or anything. Even though they ARE grandparents.

(I can't imagine having a child graduating from college right now. Although there is something to be said for having an almost-empty nest at the start of your forties...unlike me, with two preschoolers.)

Someday, and I know it's a sad thought, but I can't help it, someday, my parents will be gone, and there will be no one on this earth that gave birth to me or raised me. Will I feel all alone? I think because my own kids are still young, I can't imagine being all right in the world without your parents. I don't even necessarily talk to my parents every day, but they are there. I know how to reach them, and I can see them with just a bit of effort. Well, and a plane ticket, in my dad's case, or a Skype call, but still...not a huge effort.

I've been thinking a lot about getting older. For myself, for my children, for my parents. One day, *I* will be the grandmother. Someday, *my* daughters and granddaughters will be mixing up the Christmas cookie recipes *I* know from MY grandmothers, and leafing through my cookbook collection.

Someday, I might have to make medical decisions for my parents. Someday, I might have to make a last-minute flight to Miami, or choose care providers, or make "arrangements".

Someday, my children might have to do this for me.

We talked with my dad by phone, then got on the computer and talked to him via Skype, so the kids could sing him "Happy Birthday", and we could see each other. I didn't get to ask, but I hope he has dinner plans or some celebratory thing planned. One's birthday should ALWAYS be celebrated, no matter how much of a big deal it is or isn't.

I'm so not ready to be 'older'.

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