Friday, September 27, 2013

On the subject of women's clothing

This post is not about a big update on my family and the life of the Brandels. Nope. Sorry. Come back later for that.

No, today's post is about Clothing for Middle-Aged Women. Specifically, jeans.

Ok, so, low-rise jeans manufacturers: Stop it. Just stop.My pants feel like they are falling down all the time and dragging my underwear with them. And I expect pockets deep enough to *actually put my hands in* (shocking, I know). And I don't wear jeans with heels on a daily basis, so stop telling me these are "short" sized jeans, because then I will buy them thinking they will not drag on the floor like they currently are. Also? Back pockets halfway down your thighs are not flattering.

See, once the weather starts getting cooler, I live in my jeans. I wear them pretty much every single day. I wear them to the store, to stuff at the kids' schools, to work at the office (because I can), and absolutely I wear them to do barn chores, work in the yard, go play in the woods, and all kinds of outdoor-related activities. I usually have at least one "dress" pair, that aren't for play, and get worn with decent shoes and a top to go out someplace casual, but nicer. I haven't set foot in a nightclub in years and years.

I don't understand two things (well, more than two, but for the purposes of this discussion....).
Those things are:

1. WTH is up with the low rise? I mean, a three-inch zipper fly? Why even bother with a zipper?
2. WHY do people assume all older women (all who are past, say, late thirties) want to look like teenagers? Do we? I sure as hell don't. I haven't been shaped like a teenager since I was one.

I mean, really, what the hell do you jeans manufacturers think I DO with jeans on? Go to a nightclub? Go shopping for expensive clothes? Sit around and look pretty all day? *snort*

I need my jeans to handle the demands of my life, and by the way, I'd like them to be made out of real denim, please. The heavyweight kind that doesn't wear out in the crotch inside of a year of near-daily wear. Yeah, that kind. I know jeans used to be made out of that fabric, I still have a couple pairs from that time. MEN'S jeans are made out of that fabric, for Pete's sake! I know it's a heavy fabric, but these pansy jeans I have on right now won't last through the winter. I have never worn out the crotch of my jeans before a few years ago. It used to be that I would wear out the fabric below the back pockets first, from sitting on horses, and fences, and on the ground. I could make jeans last for a couple of years because the fabric was heavy, the construction was at least decent, and the style was pretty basic, but flattering. I wouldn't have to wear a belt, because the jeans would hit me right above the hipbone, so my fairly-generous hips would keep my pants from falling down, but the waistband would not touch my bra.

That seems to be the only option lately: a waistband so low, you risk mooning everyone with every step, or a waistband that actually touches the band of your bra when you sit down. I think the latter are termed "mom jeans", but those are no good either.

Now, I'm relegated to wearing jeans that do not fit or flatter me in any real sense. Right now, as I type this, my entire lower back up to the literal crack of my ass is exposed as I sit up straight in my desk chair. I could pack a sandwich in the space between my skin and the inside of the jeans back there -- a hallmark of poor fit. The back pockets are under my butt, not on the back of it (of course not, there's no place to put them at the moment!). And I can't even fit my phone into the front pocket!

Seriously, people. This has got to stop. I do not want to look like my 15 year old daughter, beautiful as she is, nor do I want to be mistaken for a teenager, flattering as that may seem to be (it's not). I want jeans to wear for work (not in the office) and play, and I want them to be constructed of quality fabric, with a fit that actually FITS. I don't think copying the fashion trends of the much-younger is the way to go for someone who has given birth three times, has spent a lifetime being active, and who doesn't shy away from hard, outdoor work. I want to be comfortable, not look like I'm wearing a denim sack, and not be a slave to trends.

Why is that so hard?

Sigh. Time to get on with my day. Pardon me, while I go hike up my pants again, lest you see my boring cotton mom underwear.

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