Adventures in Living!

2011-10-23T22:56:00.002-04:00

Some days.....some days just cascade like a rushing waterfall, and you know you can't hold back the tide and you can't alter the flow, and there's nothing you can do but let it wash over you as you try to keep yourself upright against the torrent, and decide whether or not you will hold this pain that doesn't really belong to you, or let it roll down your back and away from you like so much water down the river.

Finding Joy

2011-09-13T08:35:00.002-04:00

Last night was my first training session at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts, where I am a provisional docent. Docent is a fancy word for tour guide, and it comes from the Latin, 'docere', which means 'teach'. Most museums that I know of use the term docent to describe the people who conduct tours of the museum's exhibits.

The training for VMFA docents is nine months long, with weekly two-hour sessions. We'll be learning about each of the museum's galleries and collections, and every other week is a lecture about a major period of art history, taught by one of the museum's curators. Next week we start with ancient art. I can hardly wait! I'm sure someday the excitement of being allowed in the galleries and in the library outside of public hours will dissipate. Actually, I kind of hope it doesn't.

The docent position is completely a volunteer thing, and people have expressed amazement to me that I would undertake such an involved process with a commitment like this in order to be a volunteer. But why wouldn't I? This is the state's museum, it's important, I love to teach and tell people about historical artifacts and the people who made them. I love to do research and find new answers to old questions - or new questions.

I am using this training and this volunteer position to determine how big a change I might make in my future.

It's a logical thing for me. Yes, the time is significant. No, I don't get paid. Yes, it means some schedule Tetris and some asking friends to help on occasion. But the rewards are great. I get to help my state's museum further it's mission to reach out to all people in the state and beyond, and to join the conversation about why art is important in our 21st century world. For me, it's not about teaching the people who already like art or know about art. It's the opportunity to show someone who thinks art is only for high-brow, highly educated, highly sophisticated people, a new perspective on the world. If I can do that, then that is worth it to me. With arts funding totally down everywhere, and schools cutting arts programs like a hot knife through butter, what better time to use my own enthusiasm to show people why cutting this out of our lives is a huge mistake?

After we learned about the docent programs and policies, and did a fun exercise in verbal communication and visual skills in the (closed) gallery, we were done for the evening. I get access to one of the largest museum research libraries on the east coast of the US, access to the curators if I need research questions answered, and the chance to teach, however informally.

As I walked out of the building that used to be the Home For Needy Confederate Women, dusk was falling and the streets were quiet. A sense of 'right-place' came over me and for a brief moment, tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. THIS is where I want to be, at least one day a week.

Art = Happy

2011-08-12T09:28:00.003-04:00

This is what's making my heart and soul happy this morning....watercolors and crayon resist at the art table in the living room.

Of course, about half an hour after this, they were running through the house, and Noah smacked his head on the corner of our granite kitchen island top and raised a scary welt on his forehead (he's fine).

Sigh.

But there was an hour or so of early-morning art and peace and creating, and that was bliss.

Raspberries

2011-07-29T15:12:00.003-04:00

The taste of fresh red raspberries will never ever fail to immediately transport me to summer, circa 1977, to my grandparents' house by Lake Ontario in Rochester, New York.

I have sweet memories of their above-ground pool, and the multitude of berry bushes that surrounded the pool and deck and lined the edges of their smallish yard. My brother and I would swim in their pool, and then, wrapped in our towels, we'd stand carefully among the bushes and pick and eat berries until we could eat no more. My grandfather, slightly stooped, always tan, and smelling of old cigarette smoke and after-shave, would help us find the biggest, juiciest ones. I remember some of them being as big as my thumb, dark red and bursting. We had to pick them gently, sliding them off their stems and popping them in our mouths, our hands stained red by the juice.

Ever since, and especially now that Grampa is gone and I am older, the taste of red raspberries has been a passport to those days, like a time machine in its immediacy.

That was before, this is since then.

Before we moved to Florida, and before the pool was dismantled and a new one put in, before the deck was taken down, and before they built the house next door. Before my uncle got married and moved into Grandma and Grandpa's original house, before the garden went in, and before some of the bushes got ripped out.

That was before my grandpa passed away.

Since then, I eat fresh red raspberries every summer and remember being seven and picking berries with my Grampa in the yard, and I think that this year, we should try again to get the berry bushes to grow, so my kids can pick and eat until they can't eat anymore.

Horse Lover

2011-06-25T21:38:00.003-04:00

My wallet may very well regret this down the road, but I am slowly cultivating another horse-loving girl in this house.

Wren meets Cygne at the Deep Run Hunt Horse Show

I took Wren to a local, large hunter-jumper show today, because she has heard her older sister talk on and on about working horse shows with her dad, and Wren has begged and begged to go to a show. I needed an equine infusion myself, so off we went.

It was really fun. I think she petted every single white horse on the property, ponies included. We got to touch the velvety noses and pat the muscular necks and feel how soft and smooth their coats were. I took in the sights and smells (yes, I'm crazy, but I love the leather/horse/hay smell of the barn), and tried not to think about how long it's been since I last rode a horse.

I think there might be riding lessons in the future for Wren.

I Guess We're Remodeling

2011-06-12T20:33:00.003-04:00

If you give the Brandels a new vanity with a Travertine marble top, and a new Kohler toilet that is really expensive, then they have to rip out all the old stuff. When they rip out all the old stuff, they will decide the mirror is too big and has to go, and also that wall-mounted cabinet circa 1978. When they take out that wall cabinet, they will decide that the "decorative wood piece" that holds the toilet roll to the wall is dubious, so that will have to go, too. When that goes, it exposes the fact that the previous homeowners used it to lazily cover up a square hole cut into the drywall for no known reason (Escape hatch? Mouse exit? Secret stash of cash hiding place?). In addition, the paint will need touching up, and a new tile backsplash will have to be put in. A trip to Home Depot will have to be made, and the credit card exercised. New flooring? What kind of storage for the bathroom stuff? A smaller mirror?

Taking all of these things into consideration will result in debating over whether to move the plumbing *now* for the future shower stall, or just leave it until they do the shower (at some undetermined point in the future).

They will briefly consider repainting the entire room in a different color.

They will decide against that, since the current paint job is only a year or two old anyway.

They will rip out the existing vanity and wall cabinet, mirror and toilet-roll-wood-backing-piece, and they will make the trip to Home Depot with two exhausted and incredibly rambunctious children, who will cause them to nearly lose their minds right there in the store.

They will go home, where Travis will tape up some spots on the drywall after dinner and the kids are put to bed, and then they will decide that that is Quite Enough For One Day.

Recovery

2011-06-02T16:55:00.002-04:00

Today is the second day I have spent in bed, thanks to some planned outpatient GYN surgery yesterday. While I am sure some of my friends are envious of the time I am spending laying in bed, napping, reading, surfing the internet and having things brought to me, it really does get old sometimes. I am grateful to have the support of a fantastic family -- especially my husband, who has made it his personal mission to manage everything that goes on in this house with expert skill and attention to detail. The kids have been great, albeit their usual loud selves. They happily have snuggled in bed with me, shared yummy crackers and ginger candy (ah, post-surgical nausea!), and brought me flowers this afternoon.

I feel better than I did yesterday, for sure, when I threw up the Percoset I was given in the recovery room. Oh, and then again halfway home when I had to insist that Travis stop the car. right. this. minute.

I feel decent enough to get out of bed for short stretches of time, and go downstairs to eat and get myself something to drink, but then I feel the need to go right back upstairs and lie down until the dizziness and nausea passes. I had to miss my son's ice cream social on his last day of preschool, and that made me sad, but I knew I wouldn't have felt well if I tried to get there.

That is the biggest frustration: I feel good enough to do some things, but then I feel like crap again after a few minutes. Ugh. So many things I want to be doing, but napping and resting are the only order of the day.

Tomorrow will be better, I hope. I don't want to miss Wren's last day of preschool picnic. It's her last day of preschool ever, ever.

Quoth the Raven

2011-04-16T21:07:00.011-04:00

Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered weak and weary....

Today was a rainy and dreary day. Kira was actually home this weekend, and not at her dad's, so I thought it was a perfect time to have a mother-daughter outing. We spent the morning shopping for her new swimsuit (and I bought myself a glittery pair of flipflops), and getting Easter basket goodies for the little kids. Then, after lunch, we made our way downtown to thePoe Museum in the city.

Kira has been studying Edgar Allan Poe in her English class this year. She has developed a love for the dark, haunting stories and poetry, especially 'The Raven' and 'The Tell-Tale Heart'. Most people associate Poe with Baltimore, but really, he has a much more significant history here in central Virginia -- in Richmond, specifically.

The museum is located in the oldest building in Richmond -- a house built in the early 1700's, and later given to the museum to house the collections about Poe and his life.

The museum is made up of several buildings clustered around a walled garden that contains the Poe Shrine.

The walled garden, facing the shrine.

The main building holds the gift shop and a small exhibit of furniture and paintings. Two other buildings hold a huge model of Richmond as it appeared during Poe's life, his first-edition books, some family artifacts and clothing, and lots and lots of information and details about his life that I had no idea about. Of course, I couldn't take any photographs of the artifacts or the insides of the buildings, but I took as many shots of the outsides of the period structures as I could.

The back of the main house, which contains the gift shop and some offices.

Kira ponders the gardens

From the inside of the Poe Shrine

We really enjoyed our visit here, and although the museum was small, there were so many interesting things to see and read about that it was well worth the time and small admission fee.

Afterward, I took Kira to Richmond Hill, a few blocks away, to show her one of my favorite views of the city. It was starting to rain, with the significant warning for sever weather, so we ran up several flights of concrete stairs that went straight up the side of the hill to see this:

It started to thunder and lightning shortly after I took these pictures, so we quickly made our way down the hill and made it into the car JUST as the downpour began!

A few blocks away is St. John's Episcopal Church, where Patrick Henry gave his famous "Give me liberty or give me death" speech, and also where Poe's mother is buried. I really, really want to see this church, so it will have to be next on my tourist agenda.

I love my adopted hometown of Richmond, Virginia. This place is so very full of history and art and culture and science! So many terrific restaurants, so many great outdoor spaces to play in, it's hard to see and do everything. It's a great place to live.

What to do with a rainy Tuesday....

2011-04-12T14:01:00.008-04:00

...take out your umbrellas...

...maybe swing in the hammock...

...dig in the dirt...

...relax and enjoy it...and read about gardening...and promise yourself you'll be a more diligent gardener this year...but mostly, relax...

(oh, and maybe do some laundry)

Music

2011-04-10T12:03:00.004-04:00

Most of you who know me know that I was a dancer. I trained long and hard for the art; I adored it, lived it, ate, slept, breathed, and was consumed by it. I never realized until I was much older and had left that life behind just how much it mattered on an almost biological level. While I have always been (and continue to be) an emotional person, it was in the power of music and in movement that I could center myself. I could find equilibrium and strength.

Science tells us that we are neurologically affected by external stimuli. Music, in particular, can influence our state of being in such a way as to alter mood and affect. Anyone who loves music certainly knows this; anyone who listens to any music is generally aware of how they feel listening to music they hate, versus music they love. Keen music-lovers can even do what some therapists have been doing and knowing for some time -- that you can 'force' a particular state of being using music -- make yourself happier or more upbeat-feeling with music you love that has a good rhythm, or put yourself in an active alert state ( to get ready for a competition, or particular task that requires focus) using certain types of sound.

I love to listen to music when I am doing something meditative or particularly active. Of course, when I work out (ha! rarely!), music makes it go much better, pushes me harder, makes me really work hard. I love it; it's almost like a high. When I am doing something like working over the glass torch, the mood I am in prior to sitting down determines what kind of music I listen to.

To concentrate, to really focus, I will use my favorite classical composers, or world music, or mellow stuff like Van Morrison or Indigo Girls or Kenny Loggins. If I want to feel like a total bad-ass, then Evanescence and Green Day and Fall Out Boy comes on the player. I have to admit to wanting to feel like a bad-ass more often lately, and surprisingly, I can really, really focus when liquifying my brains with some really loud, hard, driving music.

Sometimes, when the music is loud, and directly in my head, I want to reach out and pull the sound around me like a cloak, and become it. I imagine it like black silk velvet. I want to sink into it, swim in it-- like it's a pool --and be drowned in the sound and the words and the energy of it all. It's like a hunger, like a need....I remember how it felt to literally be moved by music, to be able to interpret and understand every note, and to wring the feeling out of it. I don't think I can even adequately describe the perfect feeling of power and grace and strength that can come from this experience. It's like having the ability to control *everything* in your world just for a brief period of time.There really aren't words for it, not at all.

Have you ever felt that? I'm not talking about being at a concert or something, and feeling the bass in your chest, or having to shout at your companions to make any kind of conversation. I am talking about becoming the music and hearing it in your soul, and wanting to, having to MOVE or SING or something, just do SOMETHING with that energy.

(Yeah, don't stand outside my house when I am working at the torch -- I can't sing to save my everlovin' soul, but I sure know how to sing loudly.)

I miss being able to feel in control of the universe in a way I can't really define. That kind of power is inherent in music for me, and in the dance I no longer have the ability to perform. I realized the other day that a short time spent with good music really is a tonic for the soul and I was able to completely change my mood for the entire day with one musically-driven glassworking session. Even now, as I write this I am listening to music (Better Than Ezra, "Extraordinary" at the moment) and I am feeling pretty darn fine.

Try it. I dare ya. Lose yourself in your favorite music the next time you feel crummy or have something not-fun to do, and see what happens.

(Ok, now it's Cake, "The Distance")

grace

2011-04-08T15:07:00.004-04:00

Today is a day when I certainly feel how far from twenty I really am. Several essential body parts have been hurting in one form or another since I got out of bed.

Oh I hear, ya, all of you 'older' people....I know, I know...

It started with the crackling of my neck and spine, which sounds like a zipper being pulled up, one of those super-chunky plastic sport zips with the big teeth. *crrrrick* The official term for it is 'crepitus', which sounds a lot more like 'crap, it's crushed' or something. All of my joints crack now, and I guess if I were to have personal entrance music, that would be it: the sound of a thousand bowls of Rice Krispies all being filled with milk, all at once. Thankfully, I've never had surgery on any of my really important joints, but it IS annoying to have most of my movements accompanied by a symphony of biological noises.

I'm moving incredibly slowly today. And I'm tired.

Usually I don't feel any different than I did way back when I was young(er) and indestructible. Apparently today is the payback for all the hours-long dance classes and grueling rehearsals, throwing myself around, staying up all night, drinking too much, not eating. There are probably only a finite number of floor slides, falls, and overreaching leaps that a body can take. I was too busy pushing the limits of my physical self to try to remember that my body was an instrument or a temple.

Today the temple looks like I've been worshipping at the altar of Too Much Chocolate, Not Enough Working Out.

When I do work out, my right hip complains loudly, and it sounds much like the joint is being disassembled and then reassembled...a loud *THUNK* and the ligaments slip over the ball of the joint, and then *THUNK* as it slips back. For that, I can blame three pregnancies, and not so much excessive dancing. I think.

My husband has had five knee surgeries. I can't really complain too much, because even when I have a day of pain, at least I can still walk and get around and do what I need to do. When HE has a bad knee day, he can barely walk.

I'm trying to learn to age gracefully, because it's what I want to do and because I think accepting the inevitable is sometimes far more healthy than trying to fight it every step of the way. I can't really relate to those women who have all kinds of plastic surgery done to remove wrinkles and lift and tuck this or that. After a while I doubt they even look or feel *real* anymore. I can't grasp why anyone would artificially tan themselves and end up looking not like a bronze goddess, but like an old handbag. My single concession to vanity in my aging process is hair color, because at almost-41, my hair is more than 50% grey, and I am not ready to give up my hair color. The beauty of it is, though, that the excessive grey gives me beautiful natural-looking highlights when I color, without doing anything special besides slapping the coloring goop on.

I wish I could lose weight easily, though. I realize I would have to exercise to a level I don't know if I can manage, OR stop eating anything that is any good, or soul-filling, in order to get down to a weight I can honestly say I like.

So I waver between significant bouts of terrible insecurity about myself on this journey of getting older, and moments of true self-acceptance in which I am happy with the reflection that gazes back at me in my mirror.

Since time is going to march on regardless of what I do or do not do, or what I think about any of it, I suppose the healthier, happier path would be to extend those moments of self-acceptance into days and weeks and years.

I'll try.

Basking

2011-04-04T21:35:00.007-04:00

Spring has arrived in Virginia, and we have had several glorious days of sunshine and warm temperatures. So wonderful after months of cold and rain and snow!

New

2011-04-02T15:06:00.003-04:00

Got my hair cut today after letting it grow out waaaay too long. What is it with all the men who seem to think all women need to have long hair? If they want long hair, they can grow their own hair out. Fine with me. I, however, am cute as hell with this haircut, and people can just deal with it.

******

The weather has been especially changeable today, and over the course of the last six hours, we have had cold, grey skies, BRILLIANT sunshine, and a torrential downpour that lasted about ten minutes before the brilliant sunshine returned, along with giant puffy clouds and a crisp blue sky. One of my favorite things is when the sky is a deep dark slate grey in one direction, and the sun is shining in the other direction.

I love how it brings the bare branches of the trees into sharp relief, and makes the green of the new leaves a rich shade of emerald. I'm not accomplished enough a photographer to really do it justice, but trust me, it's beautiful.

Today I am cutting up scraps of mat board and going nuts with the gesso in preparation for several mixed-media art pieces I am going to do for the 6x6x2011 exhibit and sale at the Rochester Contemporary Art Center in Rochester, NY. I don't know when I will be able to get the works done, but I am hoping for some uninterrupted time next week to work on them. I'm really excited about my ideas, and I hope they turn out the way I see them in my mind's eye.

Silly

2011-04-01T21:02:00.002-04:00

Sometimes you just have to put the glasses on the dog.

Time and Space

2011-04-01T08:09:00.002-04:00

Each day slips past the previous one, turning into weeks and months and year, until finally decades have gone by and you turn around and realize just how far you've come. The road ahead seems shorter than you remember it being, while the road behind rises and falls, looms and recedes, depending on your memories and perspective.

Once it seemed everything was before me, and now, I'm halfway to There, wherever that is.

I seem to have lost my road map, even as I know I have the things I've always wanted. Sometimes when you get There (or closer to it than you've ever been), you can't remember how you arrived, or why it was so important to reach the destination anyway. And then it all seems fixed, and unchangeable, and you feel the cold trickle of regret seep in over decisions you made way early in the game, when you didn't really know just how high the stakes were.

The truth, that nobody tells you when you're busy making Plans and Deciding Important Details, is that even halfway to There, wherever that is, you can still jump ship, switch horses, follow that other drummer you've been listening to for years. You can find that teeny tiny skinny little red line on the map and go for it, take it and see where it leads. Of course, it's hard to believe that, when you're mired in the details of daily life as it is. Some people never take this lesson to heart, but others, well...others take it a little too close to heart, and the fallout is catastrophic.

Strive to make the fallout less than catastrophic.

It frightens me significantly that I have only a finite amount of time left, that there are things I will never do again, options that I no longer open to me, people I have seen for the last time, places I will never revisit, and experiences that are over and done for good.

Perspective is knowing that half is still a lot, and it maybe even more than that. That repeating some experiences is not what I really want to do -- because they weren't really all that great in the first place. People who have gone were only supposed to be around for a short time. Experiences I have now are far richer for my having the freedom gained of years to fully immerse myself in them. The stakes are high and life is for living and I am an adult and I can do what I want to, regardless of the opinions of others. What an incredible relief it is to know that I am my own person, truly, and that the road ahead is wide and still long.

There's all the time in the world.

Life

2011-03-31T22:24:00.001-04:00

Re-Entry

2011-03-29T08:00:00.003-04:00

I am having a hard time re-adjusting after my nearly-weeklong trip to New York last week. Maybe it's because I was gone for a funeral, and that in itself brings up a whole lot of emotion and drama that I am still processing. Maybe it's because I feel so deeply entrenched in my family life here at home that being out of it for a week unbalances my world in a way that is pervasive. I don't know.

The kids were pretty good while I was gone, according to my saint of a husband. Since I've been back, they've been a bit clingy and demanding and generally high-energy. That's be expected, but what I crave is some silence and space and time. Being the mom of three in this busy household, those are all hot commodities in short supply! I know this, and so I make do with the available time and space I have. Not a whole lot of silence in this house, though.

The older I get, the more I realize how much I am affected by my past, by memories and decisions and things that were out of my control. Sounds basic, right? Sure. But it goes a long way toward self-knowledge when you can actually recognize what happens to you in a meta- sort of way.

I'm still processing the funeral and the time with my extended family. In a lot of ways, I don't feel as though I truly grieved for my uncle at his funeral, during the designated time and in the designated place for it, mostly because I felt I wanted to serve my mom, who struggled with the loss of her big brother. In some other ways, I am not only grieving a family member, but grieving the loss of extended family, the loss of a life growing up without my cousins around, the huge effect my family's move to the other side of the country had on me, and how completely at-home I feel when I am in Rochester.

I feel angry and sad and disappointed and confused, and I feel a longing for my past and for my family that I never knew I had. I feel trapped inside myself, with negative energy spilling out at my seams. I hope there is time for a long walk this evening. I am violently emotional.

Home, and Back Again

2011-03-26T08:33:00.003-04:00

My uncle, who suffered with cancer for the past five and a half years, finally succumbed to the disease last Sunday morning. He was my mom's brother, and he lived in Rochester, New York, which is my hometown. On Tuesday, my mom and I drove up to Rochester (about an 8 hour drive from here) so we could be at his funeral. Mom and I do fairly well on road trips together, although there were a few moments over the week where, between her and her sister, I was going to leave them both on the side of the road for backseat-driving!

The visiting hours and funeral mass were terribly hard. It was like sailing directly into a storm, knowing how turbulent and terrifying the waters would be. Much crying. Much reminiscing and talking. My cousins have all grown up (of course they did, they are all around my age). It was good to see them and their families, and I definitely wish I had more personal history with them over the years.

I love going home to Rochester. Miami, Florida, where I unquestionably spent formative years, will never ever be home to me. I lived there, yes, but HOME is where I am from, and that is in upstate New York. Even though it has been years since I lived in or near there, it still feels like home. My mom grew up there, and while we had some free time this week, we drove around the area where she lived and went to school and had her first jobs. It was fantastic.

I thought about what it would be like to move back there, with my family now, where the snowfall is measured in feet during the winter, and spring doesn't come til April or May. I thought about what it would have been like to live there all my life, and not have spent the last nine years of my childhood in Miami. Granted, I had opportunities there that I likely would not have had in NY, but the trade-off was that I lost so many things that matter so much NOW.

Both of my parents grew up in Rochester, so both sides of my extended family are there, mostly. Of my mom's immediate family, my uncle John and aunt Pam had four children: Ron, Craig, Brian and Kim. Mom's sister had three children: Anita Jean, John, and Steven. They lived in Pennsylvania, but came often to NY. On my dad's side, his sister had a son, Frank, and his brother had two girls, Emily and Megan. So in total, that is ten first cousins in my family, seven of whom lived in Rochester. They range in age from 26 to 46, and I have memories of all of them as kids and teens.

As a 41 year old adult, I feel incredibly cheated out of being able to grow up with my first cousins. I realized recently that I am angry we had to move to Florida. I was angry as a nine year old going away from home and friends and family to live in pretty much a foreign country, and while over the last 30 years, it really hasn't mattered that much, I realize now that I am supremely angry. I don't understand, and I never will, why in the world my dad had to decide that living in Florida, so freaking far away, was so much better than being surrounded by family.

As an adult, I get the lack of money and opportunity. I understand about taxes, and politics and seeking new horizons. But I feel shattered by the loss of all that time with people who are close branches on my family tree, people I loved as a child and who I got along with and hoped to grow up with. I know, I could have done more myself to keep up with all of them, to stay close, to go back and visit. But we really rarely ever went back to Rochester, not unless someone died or got married or whatever. We never went there to vacation, or to visit people. I can count on one hand the number of times we were in Rochester during the period of 1979 through my high school graduation in 1988 -- four. A funeral, a wedding, a stay at my grandma's one summer, and a trip to check out colleges in the spring of 1988.

THAT, I will never understand. Why we never went home to visit.

There are things that I know: that my dad hated the snow, that he vacationed in Florida as a child and loved it, that he was a bank teller in my early life and I guess that path wasn't leading where he thought it would go quickly enough. My mom was a recently-graduated registered nurse. I don't know how she felt about the snow, or Florida, or even if she had ever been there before that spring in 1979 when my parents left my brother and I at my grandparents' house in Binghamton for a week while they went down to Miami to find a house for us.

I hated the house when I saw the Polaroids my parents brought back. No stairs. Concrete block. It had a pool, and that was exotic and interesting, but I am not sure if it was enough. I remember getting down there and hating how ridiculously hot it was. My eyes burned. We had to sleep on inflatable pool floats for a while because the moving van did not arrive as it was supposed to with our furniture. I cried for my friends, who were all going to the gifted program in fourth grade. My fourth-grade teacher at my new school was scary as hell, and the classes were huge and the hallways were all outside and it was HOT as the surface of the damned sun. I was harassed by the Cuban immigrant kids who were brought to our school for whatever reason (education? To learn English?) following the Mariel Boatlift in 1980. My nine-year-old rage was probably expressed more as silence.

Eventually, I adjusted. I attended a well-respected dance studio, got into the gifted program, made some friends and life went on. When time for college came, I absolutely knew that I had to go back home. And so I did, applying to SUNY-Brockport and SUNY-Geneseo, and ultimately choosing my beloved Geneseo.

By then though, everyone had moved on -- to college, to other lives and other places. Picking up the threads of childhood relationships wasn't possible, and my 18 year old self had plenty of living and experiencing and hopefully studying to do, too. Now that I am 41, though, I see just how important it is to me to have those connections in my family, as I see my cousins close to their siblings and to each other. I wish I could have been a part of that. I wish I could have had that for myself and for my family -- the history and the depth of family relations that exists, but that I am now peripherally a part of.

Am I really, truly angry at my parents? No. Not really. They were young and they made choices they probably felt were the right ones. It can't be undone, and wishing for it to be different is unproductive. I have built a terrific life here in Virginia, specifically in Richmond, with my husband and three children, and pulling up stakes for my ridiculous nostalgia and longing would be stupid and potentially damaging. As my kids are getting older, though, I find myself looking for reasons to go back and show them where I come from. Had I not had to go back this month for the funeral, I think a Spring Break trip would have been terrific. Maybe this summer. Or next year, since we have a Disney odyssey planned for this fall.

But I want to go back. Part of me wishes I'd never left.

End of the Year

2010-12-29T21:49:00.003-05:00

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Traveled alone overnight to a metalsmithing class. Road-tripped with a girlfriend to upstate NY to a conference. Got a pedicure. Rode a scooter on the actual streets amongst the actual traffic.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

Well, I seem to recall saying something about losing a bunch of weight. That didn't happen. As for the rest, I don't remember what else I might have resolved to do.

As for 2011, I don't like to make resolutions. I prefer to make adjustments in my way of living for a better outcome. This year, I'd like to stick to my daily walks in the morning, and add in some strength training. I'd also like to better understand myself at this stage of my life, and figure out who I am and what I am about.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? 

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die? 

No, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?

None.  :(

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Oh, everyone always thinks 'more money', and sure, who wouldn't want that? But really, I'd like to have more personal peace, more clarity, and more FUN!

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

1/3/10 -- the date I got my motorcycle license
4/22/10 -- the date I turned 40
9/9/10 -- our 7th anniversary of our marriage
9/24/10 -- the date of my first overnight trip alone without the kids (or my husband!)
10/15/10 -- seeing one of my closest friends from college after 20 years

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 

Having six pieces of my jewelry work published in five different magazines, with articles or tutorials that I wrote. Having my first wholesale jewelry client. Getting my motorcycle license. Staffing my church's preschool with all new teachers a month before school started.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Those epic loss of patience moments that come as part of parenting sometimes. I think my biggest failures always have to do with less-than-stellar parenting behaviors on my part.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, thankfully. Not beyond the usual round of sniffles/colds, and general aches and pains.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Probably my motorcycle jacket. Made riding my scooter in the cold MUCH nicer! Oh, and also admission to the Medieval Glass Conference at the Corning Museum, and tuition for a couple of jewelry and metalsmithing classes.

12. Where did most of your money go?

 Groceries, kid clothes, household stuff.

13. What did you get really excited about?

Working with copper and other metals, learning metalsmithing.

14. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Anything by Theory of A Deadman, or The Script

15. Compared to this time last year, are you: 
– happier or sadder? Happier.
– thinner or fatter? oh, fatter, I'm sure
– richer or poorer? Richer in all the nonfinancial ways, for sure

16. What do you wish you’d done more of? 

Exercise, yoga, making more art, resting -- really resting, not just sitting on my ass in front of the TV or computer.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of? 

Hating myself, thinking I was unattractive, getting frustrated or angry with the kids, sitting on my ass in front of the computer or TV

18. How did you spend Christmas?

At home with my husband and children. Our favorite way to spend the holiday.

19. What was your favorite TV program?

More than one, for sure: Supernatural, Sons of Anarchy, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Justified

20. What were your favorite books of the year?

These are books that I read this year, not necessarily ones that were published this year. While I consider myself a relative bibliophile, the limits of time and mental energy don't permit me to keep up with the publishing world too.

  Totally Twisted by Kerry Bogert

Traveling With Pomegranates, Sue Monk Kidd, Ann Kidd Taylor

Pillars of The Earth, and World Without End, both by Ken Follett

I read all the time, so I am sure there were more memorable books....I just can't remember them right now...

21. What was your favorite music from this year? 

Michael Franti and Spearhead, The Script, The Fray, Theory of A Deadman, Rob Thomas / Matchbox Twenty, and anything that Train does.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

How to Train Your Dragon, Harry Potter.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

My husband threw me a big party with a lot of my friends and family here for a cookout and celebrating. I also spent the day of my birthday hanging out with a good friend. I was 40.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I would have spent less time being all angsty about turning 40. I'm never angsty about my age or about getting older, but this one walloped me good.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Arty-Mom Chic....hahahahaha....no.

More like jeans and knit shirt uniform in colder weather, tshirt/camisole shirt and shorts or skirt in warmer weather.

26. What kept you sane?

Sane? Who said I was sane?

No, really....making art, creating things with my hands, listening to music, walking in the early morning. Snuggling my son and daughters. Being with my husband.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. 

I am still in the process of learning this one, but I think I'd have to say that I am learning to"own my story", and spend less time worrying about what other people think about me, and more time actually being ME. So far, I think I'm doing pretty good...

Snow Days and Holidays

2010-12-16T10:59:00.006-05:00

Today, it is snowing. There were two additional days of school this week, then Christmas break, which is a full two weeks this year because of the timing of Christmas. Now it looks as though my kid-free Christmas prep time is down to whatever I can do in the evenings after they have gone to bed. Hmmm.

I am grateful and glad to have my children home with me, though, grateful that I have a job that does not require my physical presence daily, and grateful that I don't need to make any particular arrangements for my kids beyond planning the things we want to do.

Some people I know seem to always complain about having their kids home. I know I have been very guilty of this. It's easy to be annoyed by sibling rivalries, constant bickering, fighting and picking. It's hard to encourage kids to entertain themselves, and the whine of "I'm bored" is like the sound of fingernails on the chalkboard.

BUT.

Kids are only young once. Kids are only the age they are once. Someday these days will be over, and we will look back and wonder where the time has gone.

I'm particularly feeling the pull and passage of time lately, and I know that I really want to preserve as much of this time as I can. Yes, the kids get on my nerves, yes they are demanding, yes I feel like I will lose my mind if I have to referee one more fight/sharing incident/episode of boredom.

I try to head all of this off in the summers, when the kids are around ALL the time, by planning activities for each day of the week. Monday is usually for the library, Tuesday is for going to play in water, etc. I'm not saying all this is easy, or that I am some kind of Superwoman, because Lord knows I wish I could take a week off and hole up somewhere with my husband and my art projects and just be ME for a while...

BUT.

I feel sometimes it does a disservice to your children to complain about them all the time, even if they are being annoying. One of my plans for this upcoming year is to be far more present and more positive about my crazy circus of a family, and to really attend to whether or not I need to voice something negative about my kids. I adore so many things about my kids, and so often, I seem to let myself forget about them in favor of the much-easier bitching to anyone who will listen. That's terrible. Next week, all three of my kids are home for an extended period, a rare thing for our family because of my oldest's custody arrangement. I am working SO hard on letting go of expectations about myself and my own work and art and what I think should be, and just planning activities and things for us to do together that will be enjoyable and will help develop those great childhood memories I want them to have.

Because I am probably slightly OCD, I made a chart.

Knowing my desire to strike a good balance between 'scheduled' and 'fly by the seat of our pants', I am planning a hands-on activity each day, and an outing or time outside each day. I am also anticipating a full-on 'vegetate in front of the TV' day and not feeling guilty about it.

So far, we will be making several batches of Christmas cookies, visiting the Children's Museum, making snowflake ornaments with borax, and working on some super-secret gifts. I'm sure there will be at least one or two movies and popcorn, and some time to play outside, followed by hot cocoa with marshmallows.

I'm sure I will also have to deal with a bout of two of whining, some of the oldest and middle child's picking on each other, and a few instances of flat-out fighting and misbehaving. But aside from that, I am hoping to have some good times with my kids.

They are so worth having good times with, every day.

Out My Winter Window

2010-12-13T07:42:00.001-05:00

Monday, December 13, 2010
Richmond, Virginia
7:30 a.m.

My Little Christmas Bird

2010-12-09T08:52:00.004-05:00

Five years ago today, our little Christmas bird came into the world and our lives were never the same.

Wren Noelle Brandel, 7lbs 7oz, 7pm, 12-9-05

She is lovely and highly verbal, brilliant and crafty, creative beyond a shadow of a doubt, and fearless enough to stop your heart. She's all I could wish for in a child, and more. She challenges me in ways I don't like to admit, and days with her are a constant state of keeping-up. But her life journey will be magic in a way we can't even comprehend now.

Wren Noelle Brandel, 12-9-10

Happy Birthday, Wren!

2010-12-08T20:40:00.002-05:00

Today is my dad's birthday. He's, oh, I don't know, 62 or 63 maybe? Sometimes it seems like my parents are ageless. They were very young when I was born -- in fact my mom was 40 (the age I am now) when I graduated from college -- so it doesn't seem as though they should get any older. Certainly not OLD, old. Like, elderly, like grandparents, or anything. Even though they ARE grandparents.

(I can't imagine having a child graduating from college right now. Although there is something to be said for having an almost-empty nest at the start of your forties...unlike me, with two preschoolers.)

Someday, and I know it's a sad thought, but I can't help it, someday, my parents will be gone, and there will be no one on this earth that gave birth to me or raised me. Will I feel all alone? I think because my own kids are still young, I can't imagine being all right in the world without your parents. I don't even necessarily talk to my parents every day, but they are there. I know how to reach them, and I can see them with just a bit of effort. Well, and a plane ticket, in my dad's case, or a Skype call, but still...not a huge effort.

I've been thinking a lot about getting older. For myself, for my children, for my parents. One day, *I* will be the grandmother. Someday, *my* daughters and granddaughters will be mixing up the Christmas cookie recipes *I* know from MY grandmothers, and leafing through my cookbook collection.

Someday, I might have to make medical decisions for my parents. Someday, I might have to make a last-minute flight to Miami, or choose care providers, or make "arrangements".

Someday, my children might have to do this for me.

We talked with my dad by phone, then got on the computer and talked to him via Skype, so the kids could sing him "Happy Birthday", and we could see each other. I didn't get to ask, but I hope he has dinner plans or some celebratory thing planned. One's birthday should ALWAYS be celebrated, no matter how much of a big deal it is or isn't.

I'm so not ready to be 'older'.

Out My Winter Window

2010-12-06T14:09:00.004-05:00

From my kitchen window, 12-5-10, 1:46p.m. Richmond, Virginia

Winter Party

2010-12-05T13:48:00.004-05:00

Last night, I got all dressed up and went out to my company's Christmas party. I so rarely get dressed up at all anymore, and I like to go to this party every year because it's the only time I ever get to put on a cocktail dress and makeup. And high heels. I always remember the next day why I don't wear heels [heh...originally, when I typed 'heels', I accidentally typed 'hells'......indeed] more often.

I wish I'd thought to take a better picture of myself with my real camera before I left for the party, but I was running a bit behind and just didn't think of it.
I posted this on Facebook as I went out the door, and was amazed by all the comments from people telling me I looked really good. Not that I don't think I ever look good, it's just...I have a hard time seeing myself as particularly beautiful. Especially lately, when I have been feeling old(er). At any rate, the compliments gave me a nice warm glow. Still kicking myself for not getting a better picture.

The party itself was fun, since I spent the time talking with my favorite work colleagues and their spouses. Apparently the DJ's don't really know how to work an adult, corporate party, as we sustained much musical and temporal whiplash, followed by the worst dance music possible that could be chosen for the event. I'm pretty sure some of it bordered on inappropriate. Not surprisingly, the party was not as rousing an event as it usually is. Oh well. At least Travis was spared the inanity.

I always worry about what stupid things I said or did. I didn't even drink enough to catch a buzz, but I still worry that I was somehow socially inept.

Ah, well. Hopefully, I wasn't.

It started to snow as I arrived to the party, and as I left, the snow was falling in big fluffy flakes. It was romantic and beautiful, to be walking in my long party dress and high-heeled shoes, with snow falling all around, and speckling my hair and black wool wrap. It's exactly the kind of night that is perfect for walking with the one you love, holding tightly to each other, as the snow sifts silently down.

Monday Grumpiness

2010-11-29T13:43:00.003-05:00

I hate waking up and feeling fairly decent, then proceed to get all bent out of shape over the course of the morning. Noises are too loud, I can't figure out what I want to do next, I have no appetite but I eat anyway, the kids aren't listening, I feel overwhelmed by pretty much everything.

Do I do anything to manage my stress? Sure I do. I roll my ass out of bed at 5:30 and hoof it around my neighborhood for a half an hour. Does it help? Yes. But the "help" doesn't seem to last.

At least 50% of the time I feel as though I am wandering around in some sort of unfocused fog, unproductive (to my standards), and agitated. I don't get enough done, I don't get the things I want to get done *done*. Half the time I don't even know what I *want* to get done. It's maddening, and I hope it's a phase.

2010-11-26T11:02:00.004-05:00

It's not a cliche that time goes by so quickly....it really does.

Noah Spencer Brandel 11-26-07

Christmas, 2007

November 20, 2010

Happy third birthday to my little man.

You are the gift I didn't know I wanted, the unexpected joy of a little boy in a house full of girls, and the snuggliest, most loving child. I love listening to your little voice, with it's /w/ for /r/ and /l/ substitutions, and I adore holding your little hand and feeling you wrap your arms around my neck. Sometimes your need for 'same' and for "I do it!" makes me a little crazy, but you definitely have your strong preferences and ideas. Happy birthday, Noah! Mommy loves you so much!

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-25T08:15:00.010-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving from the Brandel Family!

Today, but also every day, I am thankful for the peace of home, the love of family, and the ability to make my way in the world the way I see fit. It's been ten years since I celebrated Thanksgiving Day *on* the actual fourth Thursday of November, but I wouldn't have it any other way now.

Since I spend time on the road on Thanksgiving every year, taking Kira to her dad's, we started the tradition of making a traditional turkey feast on the day before. Around here, the kids are usually out of school, and Travis often has or takes the day off. We cook and eat early in the day, then spend the rest of the time watching movies, playing outside and hanging out together. This year, Kira and I went to see a 7pm show of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One'.

The reason our Thanksgiving occurs on a Wednesday is because Kira must be at her dad's farm by 2pm on Thanksgiving Day. Because the farm is an hour and a half from here, and because we don't meet halfway, we leave the house at noon in order to be there on time. As you can probably imagine, leaving at noon, driving an hour and a half one way, then an hour and a half the other way takes up most of the prime turkey-eating time of the day. Rather than have a holiday in which my oldest child is not really a part of the feasting (unless we feast at 10:00 in the morning!) and our family's togetherness, we have opted to celebrate the day before. We ALL get to spend time together, then the next day she gets to celebrate with her dad's side of the family. I'm sure she is sick of turkey by the end of the holiday weekend, though.

We had a huge turkey, which we will be eating for the next week (which is ok, because I love turkey). There were plenty of side dishes too: sweet potatoes baked with apples and brown sugar, green bean casserole, ginger-glazed carrots, cornbread dressing....my mother in law's recipe for mac and cheese, which we lovingly call "heart-attack mac"....and no feast is complete without STC (Savory Toasted Cheese -- a cheese sauce) over broccoli.

Noah loves to help in the kitchen, particularly if it involves using the stove, or stirring anything that is on the stove. He's my little kitchen elf.
Daddy also taught him how to put beer in the fridge. In this case, a few bottles of Blue Moon Winter Abbey Ale.

And after we stuff ourselves silly, and get the table cleared, it's time for Mommy to play Fridge Tetris with the leftovers, which I am very good at. It all fits in the fridge when I am done. Strategic use of plastic containers and ziploc bags make it all possible.

After the recovery from dinner and the game of Fridge Tetris and the endurance of many, many plaintive little cries of "Is it time for pie!?", then it is time for pie. This year, it was three pies for the five of us, because I couldn't decide and I wanted to try a new pie recipe this year. Clockwise from left, Cranberry-Fudge Pie, Peanut Butter pie, and pumpkin pie. That cranberry pie was amazing. Very very rich, though...the bottom of the pie is a dark chocolate ganache, then a layer of walnuts, then a cranberry sauce. Oh. To die for. I'm contemplating having it for breakfast as we speak.

As predicted, not one of the kids wanted to try that pie. That's fine; more for me, then.
They did enjoy the other pies, though!
I hope that everyone reading this is having a terrific day and enjoying (rather than enduring) time at the table with family and friends and good food. Another year is coming to a close, and I am truly thankful for all the great gifts in my life, not the least of which are these three beautiful children that I have been blessed with, and a faithful, loving and generous husband who is an outstanding father to our brood. Among my other blessings this year have been a couple of independent trips and opportunities for learning, discovering new friendships, professional work I enjoy and colleagues I love to work with, a comfortable home, and everything I need for a happy life. Oh, and the rich blessing of re-discovering a deep and significant friendship. That means so much to me.

Thanks to all of you for everything, and blessings for all of you and your families!

Monday Musings

2010-11-22T08:48:00.005-05:00

**I think my animals have taken over my house.

**For some reason, I am SO looking forward to Thanksgiving. I really, really want to cook and eat and relax with my family.

**And pie. I want pie.

**We eat our family Thanksgiving dinner on Wednesday, so pie-making must commence tomorrow.

**I am in the midst of finishing a wholesale order. Got to get that done and delivered today.

**The Christmas shopping is going well.

**I have come to realize that no matter how much money we save, there will always be something that we will need it for, thus affecting the savings.

** I think the kids and I will be making these on Wednesday for the dinner table.

**Which reminds me...I need to acquire both a bottle of wine and a bottle of sparkling grape juice for the table.

**This little man is going to be THREE YEARS OLD on Friday. How did that happen?

**It's Soup Night in our house tonight. Even though we had beef stew last night, which apparently my husband considers soup. Hm.

**It's still Soup Night tonight.

**Better get the soup on.

On Thinking About Yourself

2010-11-15T10:10:00.001-05:00

The past few weeks have been very introspective. I can't say exactly what I've been spending brain power on, because it's kind of nebulous. or I haven't really specifically focused on anything in particular.

Lately, it's been as though my nervous system has migrated to the outside of my skin. I noticed this weekend, when we were in NC for a family gathering, that noise and commotion and chaos has really been bothering me a great deal. Kind of like my balance is upset by too much of anything.

I do know that over the past few years, I have become increasingly in need of honest to goodness quiet time. In the morning. By myself. If I don't get it, I feel agitated and discombobulated all day. In my household, the day typically starts full-speed once Wren and Noah get up, which is usually around 7:00. I've taken to getting up at 5:30 and going for a walk for a half an hour. It helps, but sometimes it's really hard to get out of bed that early.

Walking is like a meditation for me. I don't know what about it that works, because I don't ever think in a logical fashion about anything that goes through my head. The cold, and the dark, and the dawn stars do provide the perfect setting for sorting through junk inside my head. It's kind of like what I do every few years when I can't take the mass of junk that ends up right around the stairs to the attic. I get frustrated when I can't find the Christmas decorations, and I go in there and pull stuff out and move stuff around and reorganize boxes and make a huge donation pile for Goodwill. I get rid of stuff, and pack other stuff away and shift it to the far recesses of the attic -- in case I need it or want it again -- so I know that it's there, but not in my way.

Yep. My head is full of stuff -- not all of it junk -- so I have to go in and rearrange it periodically, so I can reach what I need to have, and stash away stuff that is old, but not ready to be completely discarded yet.

Today's walk was particularly good. It was cold, because the sky was absolutely clear, but the stars were so beautiful and bright in the lightening sky.

It doesn't matter what I thought about -- a lot of things, I assure you -- but now, almost four hours later, I am really awake, and feel pretty settled. It's a good way to start the day.

2010-11-11T08:49:00.001-05:00

A new haircut
...and red shoes with stripey socks.....
....makes things better.

That, and a chocolate mocha cupcake for lunch. Better.

2010-11-09T19:35:00.004-05:00

The dark clouds gather and swirl in an angry sky. Beneath it all, the sea is roiling. Deep blue water turns black and malevolent, rocking and pitching as though disturbed from someplace far beneath the surface. The daylight has not gone, but the sky turns so dark it is impossible to judge the time. On a lone outcropping, waves smash against rocks with a fury unparalleled by anything on Earth. The water and the wind conspire in destructive rage that borders on delirium, as the natural forces called up by this madness threaten to overwhelm any and all within reach.

Including me.

Drowning, I reach for the place of peace, stretch my fingers toward it, and grasp desperately for the shore. I fight, I struggle, I release all the energy that holds me captive and dump myself unceremoniously on its mercy. Long surges capture me in their grasp and drag me back, back, back into the depths of this storm, but I will not be taken. Not this time.

The wind dies, the current lessens, the waves recede. I lay gasping like a landed fish and stare into the lightening sky, and I breathe.

Partially Speechless

2010-11-09T14:45:00.005-05:00

I've got plenty to say right now, but not much cohesive language to use to express it all. At least, not enough that I want to lay out here on the internet for those of you who may subscribe to this blog to read. I'm prone to philosophical discussion and theorizing and 'what-ifs', and frankly, they take up a huge amount of emotional and psychic energy. So I'm left without the linguistic ability to write about them.

Have a picture instead.

This one I truly adore. It's my dear, sweet little son, Noah, asleep in the rocking chair in his room yesterday afternoon. That rocker has been mine since my dad bought it for me after Kira was born. I've had it for twelve years now, and every time I think about having it move on to some other house, I can't bring myself to do it. Noah's getting too big to have it in his room -- we don't sit and rock nearly as much as we did before he got so big -- but I have no place else to really put it.

So, it stays where it is.
He's so big. I can't believe he is going to be three on the day after Thanksgiving.

Monday Musings

2010-11-08T14:11:00.004-05:00

Ideally, this post would have been written early in the morning, but since I had to run out the door to work this morning, I'm just now sitting down to write.

--So, I'm loving this cold weather in the early mornings. I'm not even freezing too badly when I got out to walk.

--The fact that it isn't pitch dark at 5:45 in the morning is a nice bonus.

--I wish I felt compelled to find the time and desire to work out really hard several times a week.

--Getting older is totally overrated.

--High school is DEFINITELY NOT the "best years of your life".

--It has come to my attention that some things in life are no longer available for you to experience after a certain point. That sucks.

--Youth is wasted on the young.

--I do not understand why two shirts that are the same size, the same style, and made by the same manufacturer can fit so completely differently.

--I really, really love to teach. Too bad I really, really hate teaching in "regular" school.

--My kids are upstairs for their naps. is anyone sleeping? No. It's rather loud up there at this moment.

--There's something really fantastic about fall. So beautiful.

--I'm making broccoli-cheese soup for supper tonight, with from-scratch dinner rolls. Think anyone but me and Travis will eat it? Outlook unclear; ask again later.

--I almost forgot to call for an appointment for a haircut. I know long hair is sexy and youthful and all that, but I just look like a drowned rat, so I'm getting it cut (a little) shorter.

Saturday Morning

2010-11-06T09:49:00.004-04:00

It's a sad state of affairs that three beers consumed within a couple of hours on a Friday night while watching 'Supernatural' can lead to a cloudy, vague headache and the need to drink copious amounts of water at 5:00 in the morning. WTF is up with that? I must be old. Sad, really. Very sad.

Today we have an appointment with the kitchen designer at Home Depot to set in motion the new kitchen island. I want red cabinetry, like this:

I don't want that exact island, but definitely those cabinets and finish, and the light grey granite countertop. Travis doesn't think we need new kitchen cabinets -- and we don't, not now -- but eventually we will have them. I might even want black cabinets. Something dramatic and beautiful.

The rest of today will be full of errands, and doing some A Hot Piece of Glass business stuff, and getting ready for next weekend -- a trip to NC, and a show for me (that I don't have to be physically present for). I'm looking forward to both, especially the show, since I have a long list of tools and equipment that need to be purchased or upgraded in my workshop.

I guess I should go take a shower and get going on this day.

Random

2010-11-02T09:47:00.003-04:00

Randomness from my brain, because it's cold (yay!), because it's Tuesday (and election day -- go vote!), and because I can't think of anything much to write.

This song has been playing in my head for days. I love it's simplicity and sweetness. Of course, I'm a huge fan of Train in general, and Pat Monahan's voice specifically.

Forever can never be long enough for me
to feel like I've had long enough with you

**************

**I've had, recently, several really wonderful conversations with my husband about different things. Sometimes I feel like we are on distant planets. Sometimes I miss him terribly, even though we are together most of the time. Daily life can really dampen the connection shared by two people who deeply love each other. I have been occasionally envious of some of our friends who have no children, because it appears they have so much more time to spend with each other, taking care of each other and their relationship. We don't have that much time. But my childless friends don't know the breadth and depth of love and joy that we do, so I guess it's a good trade off. I know some of them will (and very well MAY) argue this point with me, and they can try, but I hold firm in my belief.

**This morning I entered a contest on the Pioneer Woman's blog to win a trip to Oklahoma for a weekend of holiday baking and hanging out on her and her husband's ranch. Not only would that be awesome, because I love her writing and her cooking, but it would be beyond wonderful to have a little adventure with Travis. I've never been to Oklahoma, and neither has he.

**The Christmas season is almost upon us. Must commence Santa shopping, and make a list of baking that needs to be done. I am planning to have several batches of cookie dough all prepped and frozen by Thanksgiving, so when the time to bake comes, I can do it quickly, production-line style. I think I want to send cookies to my dad and grandma, and maybe someone (or two) else.

**I can't believe 2010 is almost over.

**Maybe Santa will bring me the metalsmithing and glass tools I would like this year.

**These Halloween decorations have to come down today.

**I really want another cup of coffee. Actually, I want Starbuck's Pumpkin Spice latte, but I've already eaten a mini Almond Joy and two and a half toaster waffles. I think that's probably more than enough junk. Sigh.

**Curried Pumpkin-Butternut Squash soup is YUM. I'll be having the leftovers for lunch today.

**Must figure out some method of not freezing to death on my morning walks. It's getting really cold in the dark mornings, and my yoga pants are NOT cutting it.

**I am letting the kids each fill a small cereal bowl with candy from their Halloween haul as a daily ration. They have been gleefully consuming the day's ration before 10:00a.m. It's made for some interesting times here, but I am also secretly throwing away a handful every day, and putting the chocolate in the freezer. Seems to work. They don't bug me All. Day. Long. for candy.

**Guess I should round up the kids and go vote. Wish there was someone really worth voting for.

This Is Halloween!

2010-11-01T07:21:00.016-04:00

At the Brandel residence, much fun was had on Halloween!

The weekend's festivities started on Saturday, at a costume party for a friend's 50th birthday. I even played croquet!

We need a nice wooden croquet set for our yard now. Fun!

On Sunday, we spent the morning shopping for a new kitchen island, since the decrepit old kitchen table and chairs that has lived in many, many houses, and has gone through at least two divorces finally gave up. As a side note, it looks like the new island will be RED with a grey granite top, because that is what I fell in love with at the store.

We carved pumpkins, of course.

Kira always has to make her pumpkin a technical and artistic magnum opus, but it always turns out really well, even when I have to help. :)

We had the traditional "creepy supper", which this year, consisted of mummified hot dogs and mac and cheese.
Oh, and carrots and dip, to provide at least some semblance of nutrition.

This year, we had guests! Bryce brought over Gracie (they were an adorable Batman and Robin), and Moe brought his boys, Trip and Chris, both of whom were very energetic but not silent ninjas! We made quite the exuberant party heading out the door!

We had walked about a block before the littlest ones started to really flag and get left behind, so a quick stop at our house for the wagon, I mean, Batmobile, was in order.
And then we successfully managed an epic night of trick or treating with all the kids. Much fun was had, and many many pieces of candy were obtained (and consumed by Wren en route!). It was after 8:30 by the time we all made it back to the house.

Fortunately, nobody felt compelled to egg or toilet paper our house, but some low-rent bastard stole our candy bowl for the second year in a row. It really made me angry, and I think I know which group of un-costumed teenagers did it, but what can you do? It was a $3 bowl from Wal Mart or something, and not worth getting too upset about. Next year, if we leave candy out, I'm going to pile it on the front step of the house and leave it at that. At least they didn't take the pumpkins.

Hehe. Maybe I should leave a big pile of candy shellacked to the front step next year.

Anyway, after quick baths and too much sugar, the kids collapsed in bed. I'm instituting a candy rationing system this year to hopefully head off the overconsumption.

Today is November 1st already, and since our kids get two days off from school for election day, I think we will be taking down the Halloween stuff, and maybe trying to get out for a short hike in the woods before the weather starts getting crummy.

Hope everyone had a terrific Halloween!

On Making Dreams Real

2010-10-24T12:39:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, parents must do or make happen things for their children that they themselves did not do or have in their childhood.

This, coupled with the need for new furniture in our house, was the catalyst for our weekend's activities.

We have three children, and all of them had some sort of makeshift sleeping situation. Kira was sleeping on an old frame futon on a stack of futon mattresses (at least one of which went to Pennsic with us a few times), Wren was sleeping on a short stack of futon mattresses on the floor in her room, and Noah had a crummy cheap old mattress and box spring.

With our home refinance this year, we had set aside some money to rectify this situation. I've moved far enough beyond the years of pregnancy and childbearing and infancy so that I could now turn my attention to actually decorating my house. The kids' rooms are tops on the list. So, we considered a number of options, and then found what we thought would be fantastic choices for all of the kids at IKEA. I love IKEA. Some people think their furniture and stuff is cheap and falls apart, but I have not found this to be true. The prices are great, the design is innovative and beautiful, and they just have cool stuff.

So, after 200 miles driven, many boxes hauled into the house, many MANY little pieces of hardware inserted into the correct locations on various wood surfaces, we have this:

and we have this:
and this:
aaaand this:
Ta-DA! Three new beds and two new TV-watching chairs.

Two parents: totally exhausted.

Kids: totally thrilled.

Travis, especially, is happy that he was able to buy the kids new furniture for their rooms that did not previously belong to anyone else. This is a big deal for someone who grew up as he did.

Different

2010-10-18T13:14:00.003-04:00

It's amazing, really, the difference in my patience level after having been away for almost a week. I guess I really do need that time to recharge and refresh and hit the giant 'reset' button on my life.

Maybe I should make this an annual occurrence...?

Yep

2010-10-11T07:31:00.002-04:00

Yep. That's me.

So much

2010-10-06T20:23:00.003-04:00

So much to say....and so little ability to put it all adequately into words.

I'm being overrun by nostalgia, even knowing that the good ol' days were hardly as good back then as they seem to be now. How did so much time go by so quickly? How did I manage to miss the passing of so many years?

Or did I really miss them?

I wonder if it wasn't just a case of one day slipping into the next as I moved on, moved through, let my diverging path take me down a road I didn't know was taking me further from a time which I should have spent much more introspectively. I often wonder how my life would be different had I made different decisions, chosen different roads. Scanning back over the years, now I recognize certain markers, points that constituted momentous decisions in my life that, at the time, seemed nothing more than generic 'yes/no', 'here/there' choices similar to determining whether toast or eggs would be on the breakfast menu.

I don't necessarily live with regrets, although I cannot help the temptation to wonder 'what if...' at certain points now.

What if I had stayed? What if I'd left sooner?

What if I chosen this, or that, or these here?

What if I'd learned then, and not now?

End of the Harvest

2010-10-04T22:03:00.005-04:00

The garden, which was ridiculously productive this year, is giving up its last fruits. Of course, my husband and I are terribly lazy gardeners, so I think half of the production of the garden was in spite of us, not because of us. Either way, we did get an insane amount of vegetables this year, and even now, with the 100+ degree heat over, the tomatoes and peppers are roaring abck to life for a bit.

Right now it's 49 degrees outside, so I suspect this is short-lived.

But a few days ago, this is what I gathered from our small growing area...
A basketful of green, red and yellow bell peppers, and a few green tomatoes. I was surprised by how many peppers there were, and in such great shape, but what really struck me was the colors! LOOK at those gorgeous, gorgeous reds and greens and yellows!
This deep crimson red has to be one of my most very favorite colors. It's so vibrant and feels so alive to me. My car is just about this color, and I love to wear this color.

This past Saturday, I closed out our CSA share for the year by indulging in a large bouquet of flowers from our CSA farm.
The past few days have been sunny and cooler, and with the recent rain, I am sure we will see the trees changing soon, too. Somehow, this change in seasons is always so vibrant in terms of color...as though the summer forces out one last ostentatious show before turning off the lights and closing up shop for the winter. I love the reminder of how bright everything can be, right before the bleak days of winter.

Reflections and Plans

2010-10-01T08:02:00.003-04:00

I had such a fantastic time last weekend at the art retreat I attended! There's really nothing like being in the company of many other creative souls, and spending the day working, learning and sharing. This is what I wish I could do more of....although my best creative friends in the art jewelry world all live someplace other than here. :(

Travis just got back from being out of town overnight to a work-related meeting. I suspect he didn't enjoy the traveling and overnight hotel experience as much as I did, though. I wish he did; it's nice to get away for a while, even if it *is* for work. I'm trying not to feel guilty about enjoying it ; I'm very very lucky that I get to do these things at all, and I can do them because I have the support of my husband. I guess we're both lucky that neither of us travel for work like our friends do.

My next trip to going to be a longer (slightly) and much further excursion. My friend Kitty and I are traveling to upstate NY, to the Corning Museum of Glass. She's never been there, and we are both really excited about attending a few of the lectures in the Annual Glass Seminar, which is all about medieval glass and its influences.....no, not at ALL up our alley, is it? ;) Anyway, I'll be gone three or four days, and truthfully, I am very much looking forward to it. Not only for the lectures and the trip to NY, but also for the serious hangout time with a good friend I haven't seen much lately, and for the chance to see some of my family and old friends. I've already planned a stop in Geneseo to visit my alma mater, and a quick trip up to Rochester to see my grandmother and some other family members. I'm hoping to reconnect with an old college friend, and also to have margaritas with a new friend. It's going to be great! I really, really miss New York sometimes.

Travelin' On

2010-09-24T13:22:00.002-04:00

I've been anticipating today for at least a couple of months. Today I am heading up to Northern VA, to attend my very first art retreat. It's ArtBliss, run by two extremely talented ladies, Cindy Wimmer and Jeanette Blix Ryan. I'm taking a class tomorrow on metalsmithing and enameling -- in particular, how to make enameled copper beads out of sheet copper and some hand tools. Neat, huh? I can't wait. Among other exciting things happening this weekend is my ability to FINALLY meet a friend and fellow jewelry/glass artist, Kerry Bogert, whose work I have admired for years. I am thrilled beyond measure that things finally fell into place for us to be in the same location!

Originally I had planned to drive up to the workshop on Saturday morning. It would make for a long day, but the budget is tight, and I didn't think I wanted to stay overnight someplace that is only 2 hours from my house. Really. BUT, I was persuaded to spring for the hotel room and stay overnight so I could attend the reception for the instructors and participants that is being held tonight. I am glad now that I decided to do that, although today has been an interesting day inside my head.

I haven't traveled much over the last 3 or 4 years for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is money, and my very young children. I think the last time I went anywhere was sometime after Wren was born and I attended an out of town SCA event with some friends, or took my daughter's Girl Scout troop camping.

I've never spent the night away from Noah.

Now, lest you think I'm about to get all mushy over going out of town for about 36 hours, I will tell you that THAT is not what causes all the mulling over and contemplation. Traveling -- the act of planning even a short, small trip -- seems like such an *adult* thing to do. Making hotel reservations, deciding what to pack, getting in the car and actually going to the destination....these all seem like such grown-up tasks. Never mind that I *am* a grown-up, and I do terribly adult things all day every day -- raise kids, work professionally, cook dinner, organize, clean, be responsible. It's different somehow.

I never was in a position, with the career I chose, to travel professionally on business trips. Maybe that's why it seems so grown-up to me. REAL adults go away on business. I have plenty of friends who probably detest the whole airport/hotel/meals out/business meetings routine by now, but I have never experienced it. Leaving this afternoon seems like a big deal. I know *how* to travel, and I know how to take care of myself alone and out in the world, so to speak, but I have never had to do it repeatedly, nor manage my family AND do it, like my IT and statistician and sales friends do. It's this sort of thing that has been running around in my brain all day.

I feel like a grown-up today. In addition to getting my act together for this trip, I also made hotel reservations for a much longer, much more distant trip for next month. I'll be joined by a friend of mine for a fun few days to glass-geek in Corning, NY. That's going to be a fun trip, too, and one I am so looking forward to.

I feel like I am about to press a giant 'reset' button on my life. I know that when I come home from these two trips, I will be refreshed, in mind and in soul. I know that I will have new skills and new knowledge that is going to help me advance the art I make, and maybe, just maaaaybe, help me get turned in the direction my soul really wants me to go in. It's been so hard to be still and listen to what I am sure the universe is probably shouting at me by now.

My family will be in the extremely capable hands of my ever-loving and wonderful husband, and I have no worries about him managing our brood, our house and home, and whatever else comes up, while I am not here. It's all good.

My 'soupcase' (as Noah so beautifully calls it) is packed and in the car. I packed more than I will need for an overnight trip, and this is because even though I *am* an adult, I barely know how to dress myself. I am so far from girly most of the time that I realize I don't even know what to do to cover up the deep, dark circles under my eyes. I never wear makeup, unless I am going someplace really dressed up, and I don't have any sort of skin-care routine or knowledge of particular fashion trends. It figures. I get the chance to go someplace by myself and dress up a little (sort of, I mean, we are going to be making art), and I don't know what to do! Heh. I'll survive. And at least people tell me I in no way appear my actual age (which is 40, for those playing along at home), so there's a bonus. I just hope I look my best. I want to look my best, even though I will be among friends and have absolutely no agenda and no need or desire to impress anyone.

I will be me, and that will not only be enough, but will be perfectly enough. In twenty minutes, my oldest child gets off the middle-school bus, and I am. On. The. Road.

Travelin' ON!

Summer 2010

2010-09-03T08:37:00.005-04:00

*Kira got "most improved in math for the 6th grade" * We adopted a new kitty* I rode my scooter to the farmer's markets * we celebrated a fantastic Father's Day * Our garden grew (and grew and grew!) * We ate chicken wings at our favorite place, Quaker Steak & Lube! * Flowers! * Fun in the fountains at Stony Point * Fun in the pool! * Fun on the playgrounds * We went roller skating! * There was a whole lot of grass-cutting * We studied hawks in our backyard * We threw a party on the 4th of July * Sparklers! * Noah got a big-boy bed * Tomatoes and more tomatoes (and cucumbers!) * We visited Hollywood Cemetery * Played in the sprinkler * Mommy and Daddy managed to have lunch ALONE one day * there were some BIG summer storms! * Our dogs were happy * I got my first piece of jewelry published * We baked and decorated cupcakes * We built lots of forts * And played in the pool * And watched the birds * And celebrated Kira's 12th birthday * And cheered for Kira getting her first belt in martial arts!*

We've had a terrific summer!

It was unbelievably hot this year, and that really limited some things, but all in all, we had a great time, spent lots of time together, and are looking forward to a fun fall season.

I can't believe how big all the kids are getting. Time definitely marches on.

Public Service Announcement -- for Richmond, VA readers

2010-08-14T19:58:00.004-04:00

My children attend a wonderful preschool program on Richmond's southside. I am on the Preschool Committee and we are currently looking to hire teachers and teaching assistants for the upcoming school year (2010-2011).

The school is small, very family-oriented, and focuses on developmental preschool education and Christian values. All teaching positions are part-time. This is a fantastic opportunity to teach young children in a culturally and linguistically diverse environment, within a welcoming and supportive Methodist church.

Please leave a comment if you or anyone you know might be interested in applying.

Thanks for your time!

What's Up, Cupcake?

2010-08-05T13:47:00.006-04:00

When the kids are home during the summer, and they don't have preschool, I really try to have a loosely-organized plan for each day. Otherwise, we descend into the madness that is too much TV, sibling rivalry, boredom, and general crankiness. This summer has been INSANELY HOT, so much so that I don't even let the kids go out to play very much. Both of them are fairly susceptible to the heat, and frankly, I don't like sitting outside with them, roasting. So, some days we plan indoor activities. I've also been trying to plan many, many FREE activities, as the ol' cash flow just ain't what she used to be, now that I'm not working full-time.

On today's agenda, we had a trip to the local Barnes and Noble for storytime. I hadn't done that with them yet, mostly because they really could not handle it until now. In addition to the storytime plan, Wren had been begging me to bake a cake so she could decorate it. Today was a perfect day for that, too, so we spent the morning after breakfast whipping up a recipe of my mom's Wacky Cake, and baking it into two dozen cupcakes.

The Wacky Cake was a Loria family staple for years and years. A good chocolate cake, so named because it uses baking soda and vinegar for leavening. No eggs, no milk, either. I remember my mom making this cake for my dad's birthday and my brother's birthday, although never for mine. I was allergic to chocolate as a young child. Horrible, I know, but I outgrew it.
We baked the cupcakes, licked the batter bowl and beaters, made some easy chocolate frosting, then headed out into the tropical jungle weather to go to the bookstore. Wren sat beautifully for two stories, and Noah did fine, although he was far more interested in the train table. After that, we browsed the bookshelves, then endured Noah's screaming fit about leaving when it was time to come home. Not even the promise of frosting his own cupcake would assuage the grief and pain of not getting to read that 100,465th Cars book he wanted.

ANYWAY!

We got home and commenced frosting. Oh....that frosting! It's an economy recipe, using only one stick of butter, some cocoa and a little milk and confectioner's sugar, but it's heavenly! Soft, so pretty easy for just frosting, but not really stiff enough to decorate with. The kids each frosted two cupcakes and covered them in sprinkles, and I frosted a few more, and put the remaining naked cupcakes in the freezer for later. The kids ate lunch, ate a cupcake, then they swept the kitchen floor and played for a while.

Now it's naptime, and I have a few minutes' peace to eat a gorgeous cupcake and surf the internet.

I'll work later on, and then maybe make some art, and hopefully go to bed early. I bagged on exercising today -- something is wrong with my left hip/butt and it might be sciatica. Or a hamstring issue.

Oh! I almost forgot! The recipes:

Wacky Cake

3 cups of flour
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa
1 tsp salt
2 cups sugar

3/4 cup vegetable oil
2 tsp vanilla
2 TB vinegar (cider or white)
2 cups cold water

For a 9x13 cake, place all the dry ingredients in a 9x13 pan and mix well together. Make three wells in the mixture, and pour oil in one, vanilla in one, and vinegar in one. Pour the water over all and mix completely.

For cupcakes, mix dry ingredients together with a whisk until combined. Add wet ingredients and mix by hand or with a hand mixer on low until completely combined. Pour into two 12-cup cupcake pans.

Bake at 350 degreesF for 30 minutes (for 9x13 cake), or 22 minutes (for cupcakes).

Makes a 9x13 cake in the pan, or 24-26 cupcakes.

The Frosting

1 stick of softened unsalted butter
3 cups confectioner's sugar
6 to 8 TB unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla
3-6 TB milk (depends on how you like your frosting)

In a large bowl, cream the butter and vanilla with a hand mixer til softened. Combine the dry ingredients in a medium bowl. Add the dry mix to the butter mix a little at a time, alternating with spoonfuls of milk. Mix constantly til you get the dry ingredients completely incorporated, and the frosting is a consistency you like. I prefer to chill mine for an hour or so before frosting COMPLETELY COOLED cupcakes (or a cake!). :)
Lick your fingers and the beaters and bowl, but don't lick the spreading knife til you're all done!
This makes enough to frost about 18 cupcakes, or one 9x13 cake.

YUM.

Consolidating

2010-08-04T09:11:00.002-04:00

So, for a long time, I have had a personal blog over at Typepad, called Adventures In Living. I decided that, since all the rest of my blogs were hosted over here on Blogger, I would go ahead and switch Adventures over to Blogger as well.

Why?

Well, I like the templates better. For one thing.

Blogger is free, for another, and I had a paid Typepad account.

I also think it's easier for me to see who is reading, following and playing along on this little linguistic adventure. (Ha!)

Besides, it was time for a change anyway. Hope you like the new template design!

Signposts

2010-07-15T21:13:00.000-04:00

Always, in life, there are signs. A lot of them are subtle -- most of them, probably, because life is like that -- and some of them announce themselves with a blaze of highway-safety orange or neon green. I realized, this morning, as I rounded up items for a Goodwill donation, and papers to shuffle and a list of places I needed to stop, that over the recent days, the landscape of our life has shifted. Just a bit. But like erosion on a cliff face, one day you notice how much is changed.

Last weekend, we moved our youngest child out of his crib and into a "big-boy bed" (a twin mattress and box spring on the floor). He is going to be three in November, and well, it was time. Wren had already been moved to a bed by this age, primarily because Noah was on his way and we needed the crib. Now, the crib we bought secondhand when Wren was coming is in pieces stacked neatly in the closet in Noah's room. I washed and folded all the crib sheets and stacked them in the closet, too, along with the crib skirt, the changing table pad and covers, and the crib toys.

.......shift.........

This morning, I rounded up a huge bag of small toys. Some of them were infant toys obviously no longer needed, some were the dreaded Happy Meal toys that seem to multiply their uselessness endlessly, and some were things that the kids just didn't play with anymore. I also donated the smallest of the three riding toys we had in the house. A good portion of our Fisher-Price Little People toys have now moved upstairs to the kids' rooms. The great room no longer looks like a badly-kept Toys R Us store. I am *this close* to knicknacks and candles and antiques and things of value on display again.

............change......

Kira is coming home this weekend for a couple of days. I haven't spoken to her in two weeks, but I know she is okay and hopefully having a great time on her dad's farm. When fall rolls around, she will be starting the seventh grade. We will have to go shopping for school clothes, and find a dress for the Christmas dance.

I am buying my daughter dresses for dances.

With her, as with Noah, I am constantly torn between wanting her to grow up, and wanting her to stay little. part of me hopes she will come home from the summer with a new interest in fashion (even a little bit), and some additional maturity for handling social situations. but part of me wants her to stay little, stay young, and be out of reach of the understanding of things like money, stress, disaster, and human nature.

In three years, Travis and I will have been married ten years. By that point, Kira will be steadfastly a teenager (15), Wren will be starting the second grade (halfway though elementary school at age 8), and Noah, who is a little like Peter Pan, always my little boy, will be six. All of that in three short years.

............grow..............

The clock in my kitchen is ticking the seconds away. I can't stop the passage of time, nor can I slow it. I can savor the moments, take a million pictures, and know that we are raising three fine human beings. My living space is a little bit neater (sort of), and the equipment and supply needs for my children are a lot less, but I know that there will be even more signposts to read on this road, and I am enjoying the ride, looking out the window, and sharing the time with my most favorite human beings in this world -- my family.

Independence Day!

2010-07-05T20:36:00.000-04:00

It was a full weekend, full of friends and good food and fun times. We celebrated the USA's birthday in typical style, with lots of people and tons of food, and fireworks to mark the occasion.

It was hot, though. That part kinda sucked, frankly. But there was beer, to be sure, and watermelon, and the pool for the kids and sprinklers, so we survived. Barely.

Of course there was food....this is OUR house.....

I think I made everyone aware of the utter fantasticness of Zweigle's hot dogs, from Rochester, NY. My very very favorite from since I was a little kid. I love them burned to a crisp on the outside. Apparently everyone else loved them too, because I didn't get one! :( Thank GOD there is a Wegman's only an hour away so I can get more!! Oh, and Travis smoked a pork loin, too. YUM.

What would the 4th be without a flag cake or dessert?

This one has jello under the Cool Whip yum.

The kids played in the pool, and the sprinkler. Yeah, we had to drain and refill that poor pool at least once.

We had beer and sodas, of course.

There was much hanging out.

Kids loved the hammock.

This is the only picture I have of me...took it (poorly) with the self-timer. **Note to self: In the future, remember to ask people to take the camera and photograph YOU, too, Chris.**

We got all 15 kids (yes...fifteen...13 under the age of 12..) lined up in their chairs for some fireworks.

Sparklers, first, though.

All Dads Must Light And Monitor Fireworks.

I think it's an unwritten rule.

Two-thirds of my children stuck it out for a little while, but retreated because of the excessive noise....Wren found some comfort with out friend Dominique, and Kira just beat it indoors. Noah, however, the one who tells us frequently that things are "TOO WOUD, MOMMY!", was delighted.

(this was actually taken the night before, during some 'preview' fireworks)

All in all, it wasn't the best party I've ever thrown....it was so terribly hot, and there were some glitches in the overall situation, BUT I *think* people enjoyed themselves, and I was certainly glad to have everyone together. We really missed a few folks who were unable to make it, particularly our friend who got stuck working in the Midwest.

The evening ended on a more sour note than I wished. We hadn't made enough of an allowance for our three dogs, and by the end of things, the fireworks noise, the kids, the constant commotion and screaming, AND being outside in the heat all day all led to Quinn attacking Ruby and leaving her with puncture wounds in her neck. Ruby got her pound of flesh, though, as Quinn received four wounds in her right foreleg and by this morning, her leg was swollen and she was having difficulty walking on it. Some antibiotics and $200 later, she is on the mend. Ruby is going in tomorrow. Our poor credit card is getting a workout. We must take better care next time to give the dogs the space and peace they need during a party. I feel badly, but Quinn and Ruby seem to be friends again, so that is good.

Today was chock full of nothing, except I drove Kira back to her dad's for a couple of weeks. It was too damned hot to do anything else except vegetate in the air conditioning. Of course, we're old, so an all-day cookout party pretty much took everything out of Travis and I. The kids are going to bed on time tonight, and I plan to dump myself on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and the book I'm reading (Traveling With Pomegranates -- really REALLY good!).

Tomorrow....the kids go to summer preschool! I am trying not to be TOO excited; after all, I have loved having them around, but I am dying -- DYING, I tell you! -- for some solitary creative time. I feel my Muse hanging around and whispering to me, and I really need to answer Her. My torch needs to be set up again, and there is wire to bend and make into things, and several magazine articles to write, and work to be packed and sent off to editors, and a book proposal that isn't going to write itsdamnself!

Tomorrow morning, back on the bike at 5:30, too. I've had my holiday splurge, and now it's time to remember that 'discipline is freedom'...

2010-06-16T20:40:00.000-04:00

Today was the sixth grade awards ceremony at Kira's school. If a child is getting an award, they call the parents a few days ahead to let them know so the parents can attend the ceremony. I was shocked when Kira's teacher called me last week to let me know she had chosen Kira for the most Improved in Math award for 2010. Not because I don't think Kira should get an award, but because her teacher could only choose one student, and there was nobody else she thought was more deserving than my daughter.

Math is not a strong subject for her. She has struggled all year to achieve a B, and last nine weeks, she barely escaped with a D. This nine weeks wasn't looking so great, either, but I didn't nag her (too much). We worked as often as we could, and I pounded my head against the wall encouraged her to be, and stay, organized about her homework and note-taking notebook.

Magically, about five weeks ago, her grades started to rise.

I have no idea what happened,but all of a sudden, she was getting B+'s and A's and A+'s on her homework and even on tests and quizzes! Holy Grade-Point-Average, Batman! The grade reports coming home showed her average rising to a B, then to a B+, and then to a B+ with a 93%. She held steady there, one point away from an A in math for the last nine weeks. Then, two nights ago, her grades came in...94.3%...Houston, we have an A IN MATH!!!

WOOOOOOOO!!!!

I couldn't believe it. Neither could she! It was awesome.

So today, I got to sit in the auditorium of the middle school and watch as her math teacher gave her Most Improved in Math for 2010.

I cried. I admit it. I was wiping away tears even before they started the ceremony.

This year was so hard. It was so different and so difficult on so very many levels -- social, emotional, academic -- and to see her get this boost was just amazing. It was like a validation of her work. I know she is happy and proud of herself, and I know she knows how very proud of her I am.

I love her so much.

Family Dinner Out!

2010-06-11T20:42:00.000-04:00

Travis and I have acquired a serious love for chicken wings. Him, just because they're good, and me, because I went to school in upstate NY where they REALLY know how to make some wings (Buffalo-style, natch!).

In Pennsylvania, when we would go up for Pennsic (a medieval event) in August, we'd never miss a chance to hit the Quaker Steak & Lube wing joint in Cranberry. We looked forward to stuffing ourselves with wings almost as much as we looked forward to going to the medieval event. One year, we even went with a large group of our friends (also devotees of their wings) to the original location in Sharon, PA.

They have the best wings, hands down. We lamented not being able to enjoy them once we stopped being able to attend the medieval event, but were thrilled to find a location had opened up in Newport News, last year. It's about an hour or so drive, and one day we just took the kids and roadtripped for some wings. It was there that we found out a Richmond location was in the works! Hooray!

Last week, the Richmond QS&L finally opened! last night, we took the family and headed over there for some wing-y goodness.

Right past the intersection of Broad Street and Parham Road.

The vintage red Corvette hanging in the main entrance.

Motorcycles....

Checking out the memorabilia...

WINGS!!!

The service was great and the food was phenomenal! We only had one issue and that was our table being right next to the bar. Normally, this would not even bother me, and normally it would not be a problem, seeing as how we eat out with the kids at 5:00 to avoid the rush. HOWEVER, last night our table was just behind a 'regular' who was very obviously completely smashed. How do I know? The number of f-bombs LOUDLY exclaimed, and the LOUD descriptions of various activities involving women, and men's expected treatment thereof, among other things. After about ten minutes of eff this and eff that and eff her and him and you and everybody, we asked to be moved to a table across the room. our server was great and very accommodating, and I told the manager so. Drunk-ass Dude-man was so hammered, he successfully completed the Atomic Wing Challenge without combusting on the spot. I was surprised, given how much alcohol there must have been in his system.

It was a really fun dinner out, and we'll definitely be back!